Stop the Insanity of Hiring Dating Coaches!


Just hire a matchmaker and find your match. SIMPLE.

Personally I am tired of all the dating coaches who promote this perpetual belief changing and transformation agenda. Like self-help, too much of it can be counter productive. If anything it can wreck your confidence and give you all the more reasons as to why not you when it comes to having true love.

Why are some people still single despite all their desire and efforts to find love? It's different for everyone.

Where I am at in my journey is that I'm more interested in getting to the root of the problem. However, single is not a pathology to cure. Rather, it may be a symptom of something else. If someone doesn't believe they are worthy of a healthy long lasting love, it often stems from harsh experiences in childhood.

These early experiences could have led to deeply ingrained defeatist thoughts. As crazy as it sounds they can't change their thoughts into the positive even if its what they want. However, all is not lost. For example, EMDR is one fast and effective way of dealing with the root cause of not being able to receive something good, such as true love, into one's life.

What it came down to for me was a feeling very personal for me. Eventually I felt that by following all the online and offline dating advice, I was turning myself into a man chaser. That was the last thing I wanted to be!

My whole life has been about pursuing my goals and cultivating interests. Growing up, it was the girls who chased guys who ended up lost and often love addicts in need of recovery! Chasing and seeking after anything creates a mindset of lack which becomes a viscous cycle of more lack and frustration. It's impossible to attract a healthy kind of love and partner when you are chronically feeling depleted and irritated.

Most dating coaches mean well but often by their clients staying single they making more money. In the end, there comes a time when it becomes mental gymnastics more than breakthroughs in internal mindsets so you let love in. Kathryn Alice's "Love Will Find You" is a perfect example of what I just described because her program did just that. Alice's claims have never been verified and most people who were single two years ago or longer who bought into her method are still single and sad about it.

I'm convinced that all the dating coaching, not the healing work like EMDR or Imago therapy, are one big mind melt that prevents partnership. It's like reading the manual for how to drive a Mercedes. You don't really master the art of a Mercedes in motion without driving the Mercedes itself. The rubber hits the road when you actually get behind the wheel, and drive the car, and practice till you are a pro.

Metaphor: Dating coaches are the manual. Some are trying to keep you single for their money making. These are the people who are always coming up with a reason why their work didn't bring you a true love. Often they blame you for not doing it right. Kathryn Alice is a master at the blame game when her method is just plain inferior compared to that of Matthew Hussey or Debi Berndt.

Healing work like EMDR and Imago therapy: A great mechanic when needed.

Driving the Mercedes: Where real results happen. Meeting people in real life. Not chasing them. Just meeting people in the course of pursuing what your heart and soul really wants to do. For me, it's horseback riding. Whether or not I meet someone horseback riding, I'll be glad I went out on the trail.

Eventually the continual consumption of the dating coaching and love advice begins to feel like one is repeating a grade over and over again. Getting to the stage of just being a welcome space for your true love is just as critical as examining what may be in the way of letting love in.

Funny, a love coach in Australia named Renee Wade said that women who complement men will cause the men to lose respect for her because they will feel emasculated. In a nutshell, Wade says the following:

  • The more you try to COMPLIMENT a man, the more he's going to view you as just a friend. And the more he's going to pull away.
  • Complimenting a man makes him Pull Away
  • Men Don't Actually Place high Value on Compliments from a Woman
  • And the worse thing is - 99.9% of men will not be able to articulate to you why compliments make them want to pull away from the relationship or reduce their feelings of attraction for you.
  • In a relationship, Appreciating a Man build Attraction but Compliments DO NOT!
  • So instead of complimenting a man, you need to make him feel like a man by: Appreciating his RESULTS; and Giving him feminine energy.

To make a man feel appreciated, you can take these THREE quick steps:

1) One of my favorite things to do is to rub my man's chest.

2) whenever you feel like complimenting him, instead, look for a result he has gotten in his life. It could be committing to his job, it could be committing to going to the gym, it could be committing to taking care of his mother or a special friend.

3) And then express genuine appreciation for it. Say this: "hey, I really respect your commitment to [insert good act here]" This step is a special way of giving your feminine energy because you are open to him by appreciating him.

So I asked several men I knew who were straight, single, and the good-looking/socially popular athletic types. All of them vehemently disagreed with Renee Wade and called her method idiotic. They also said that they love the complements and that none of their relationships followed the Rules. The men I polled say this:

Disagree 100%! When a man gets a complement from anyone it makes them feel good. All our friends who are guys would agree with us, this dating guru is an idiot.

So yeah, I'm personally done with all the mental gymnastics. Imagine someone who actually took the advice of a romance coach like Renee Wade and never complemented any man who was a romantic potential? I can. I took the same such advice from Kathryn Alice. What happened? I missed out on many men who would have likely turned into a significant other had I not played Ice Queen. Like Wade, Alice's method was practically designed to keep me single. Why? So I'd buy course after course from the love guru who knew nothing.