Dear Captain America: Will You Please Hear Me Out In Person?

Love, Heartbreak

My love mentor Tamara Green tells me to come clean in person and get unstuck

Synchronicity. The title to the 1984 album by The Police or a form of mischief by the Universe to drive you crazy. The synchronicity signs began just before the summer solstice 2013. I’d see his last name everywhere. Just two weeks after I sent him the good-bye text I began seeing others with the same surname. It’s a common family name. The kind of last name that can also be a first name.

If I only saw people with the first name version I would have not noticed it. However, no matter where I’d go, there it was on TV, the Internet, billboards, in a magazine. None of these coincidences appear to have any rhyme, reason, or pattern. All random. That’s not the only thing that would prompt reminders to me. For the record, I’ve been going on a lot of dates. My intention is to meet the right person for me. There is no desire to stay single by indulging in a fantasy crush. The whole point behind why I sent him a take care text was because I wanted a clear ending in my own mind. It was an act of declaration to show my matchmaker and the Universe that I was serious about a real love now. The hell with all things unrequited!

The last name sightings were not the only events prompting reminders of him. Whether I was in a Walgreens, department store, or browsing boutiques, either day or night, I can’t escape certain songs. I’ll either hear a different James Bond movie theme song, old The Who tunes used in the opening credits of CSI, CSI: Miami, and CSI: NY respectively. If that wasn’t enough, there were also the instrumental melodies from the older TV shows like Hill Street Blues, Hawaii 5-0, and the original Law & Order. The only song that repeated itself was Laura Pausini’s “I Surrender”. How appropriate.

I surrender Captain America. In fact, I want to make a full confession to you. A personal confession, not a legal one, no need for lawyers. This is a confession that the Universe has extracted out of me, on your behalf. So what is my request? Like I said, I want to make this full confession to your face. The challenge is, you are going to have to contact me because I’m too scared to make this request to you. Besides, after I sent you the text saying to take care I erased my message history and no longer have your number.

For the record, I am not asking for a date. This is not anything more than a way to come clean completely so I can just move on. I have no expectations that telling you the truth in person will have an effect for better or worse.

Why am I asking you for this sit down Captain America? It’s time for me to act like an adult when it comes to men and dating rather than this overgrown teenager. Communication is much more effective when I’m not hiding behind a phone or email or text message.

There is something to be said about looking someone in the eye and speaking your truth. Hiding behind my laptop is just not doing it. The only breakthrough possible that will give me closure is to find someone new and true is by going past this fear. Love is the opposite of fear. Getting past this terror will only help me be the same kind of open and honest with my real one, whom I haven’t met yet. If I can speak from the heart to you in your presence then I’ll be free and you'll have the truth of where you stood with me, to do what you want with it.

After all, I did leave home at 16, and I’ve prided myself on being “brave”. The truth is, I’ve got less fear at the thought of walking around Central Park again at 2:00am versus being open and honest with a man with no guarantee of a kind response.

So why does my love mentor Tamara Green prescribe this approach? And what would having this conversation with you in person accomplish anyway? She wants me to release the fixed attention on my mind that is trying to analyze these synchonicities that remind me of you. Otherwise I am stuck and not in the flow towards my true love. I’m finding myself wondering whether it’s just imagination or I’m causing myself to notice it to distract me.Talking to you in person again would cease the wonder once and for all.

Disclaimer: If you do hear me out, I’m totally fine with you getting up when I’m done talking without a word and walking away. I’m also totally fine if you said to me that you now had triplets with someone else. If you didn’t believe a word I said, you could even ask me to take a polygraph. Actually, it’s none of my business what you are up to, so don’t tell me. Just hear me out in person. No response required.

Tamara emphasized to me that it was time to set myself free. If I am investing in facing my inner barriers to a real relationship and in a matchmaker, I’ll do whatever it takes to be free of you. The benefits of a true confession, I believe, would be positive for you and I. You’ll feel flattered, trust me, and I’ll finally be in the flow of the here and now.

And what about the matchmaker I’m working with? That’s just it. The reason I sent you the good-bye text was because she too wanted me to be free and clear of any crush I had in the past.  The text helped me close the chapter on Captain America and start a whole new book. Then the synchronicity started. So it’s very clear to me that the telling you how I felt about you in person is the fastest way for me to set myself free of