Dear Jane: How Do I Get to TRUE Love?


Jane Garapick's is a weekly dose of how to make the right love choices

Jane Garapick is the popular writer of Her mission is to provide words of wisdom during tough times. Originally from Vancouver, British Columbia, Jane now lives in Washington State with her husband and two children. In her early career, Jane volunteered as a suicide prevention counselor and conducted workshops to high school students who were at risk. She is a psychology graduate of Simon Fraser University and applies both her personal life experiences and academic background towards guiding her readers towards love supporting choices. After discovering Jane’s blog, I have become a regular reader, and enjoy the down-to-Earth mother-sister wisdom in her weekly posts. Sometimes the best people to go to for true love advice are those who have the kind of relationship you want.

1. What inspired you to starting your blog Getting to TRUE Love?

It began with a conversation I was having with one of my friends from my single days, reminiscing about the guys we used to date, and how different they were from the ones we actually married. I then realized that I wanted to spread this message to as many single women out there as I could. Women who, like I used to, think that they know what are the most important qualities for a guy to have, but many of those qualities are actually not what really matters when you’re married and living the everyday life together as a married couple.

For example I realized that the types of men I was attracted to, men that at the time held so much power over me, would, in reality, have made the worst possible husbands and fathers. I now see it as a gift that things didn't work out with them, and I’ve now learned from experience what is really important. I wanted to spare other single women so much of the pain and heartbreak of what I went through because I really understand where they’re coming from and what they’re going through having been there myself not too long ago. Then, when I came across Brene Brown and read her work and saw that she was talking about the subject of shame and authenticity that relates directly to the place I was coming from, she further inspired me to do this. When I saw a video of her speaking and saw that she was just a regular person with a passion for helping people, I had my "aha" moment and realized this was the time!

2. Is there a particular purpose that your blog is for?

To spread this message to as many women as possible who might be even slightly ready to hear what someone else might have to say; someone who’s been there, who gets them, who understands and wants them to know they’re not alone!

3. There are plenty of blogs on finding love out there, what is different about yours?

I found so many blogs out there that were so cut and dry, so full of rules, so full of tactics (do this, don't do that), that didn’t take into consideration the person who’s looking for some help. The woman who is already so beaten up emotionally, the women who already believes there’s so much wrong with her. She doesn’t need to hear this same message from anyone else, much less someone who doesn’t understand what it’s like to feel like love has passed you by, like love is for everyone but you, like there is something wrong with you. I wanted to send out a different message. One that says I understand, I get where you’re coming from. I know what it's like to feel like you do.

My message is that wherever you are, it's ok. If all you can do is stop beating yourself up, and that’s all you’re capable of right now, it’s enough. It's a start. I ask questions that make women think for themselves because I believe any real aha moment, any epiphany, any positive change, has to come from them, not me. I can tell them what to do, I can tell them what to try, but if I don’t meet them first on their terms by acknowledging the beautiful person each of them are inside – right where they are, right now – then they’re not going to be able to make that leap to believing in themselves, which is the most important first step.

4. Are there any personal stories that stand out in your mind from readers since you began Getting to TRUE love?

So many. In fact, I’ve been amazed at how many have sounded so much like my own story, as if they could have been me back then, sharing what I was going through in any one of my past heartbreaking relationships. I believe that those who need to hear something I have to say will always find me. I often have tears when I’m reading what some are going through, but the one that stood out the most was the story of a woman who thought her past had precluded her from ever finding love in the future. The theme that she had done something so bad, or behaved in ways that felt so shameful to her, that she doubted her worth so much and whether or not any honorable man would ever consider her worthy of a real committed relationship. My heart broke for her to hear her go on about how unlovable she felt she was, and just how unworthy she believed she really was. It resonated with me because she’s exactly the one I want to reach. The one who most needs to hear the truth about who she really is, just how worthy she really is, and what she really has to offer someone who’s worthy of her. It’s her theme that comes through in so many stories, none of them exactly the same, but the theme is always there to some degree.

5. Is there anything you hope to accomplish through your blog?

As much as I