Just One More Try: A Matchmaker?

Love, Self

After reading "The Quest" by Heather Strang aka "Healing Heather", I'm giving love one more chance

Heather Strang's "The Quest" is a stirring tale of the eternal seeking of the beloved. Like her heroine Kathryn who seeks a man named "Matthew" after a psychic prediction, same here.

A decade ago in New York it was predicted by one of the most famous and well-respected intuitives in the world, Laura Day, that my soul mate would be this hero law enforcement officer and/or former Marine. True story. I'll take a lie detector test to prove it. I also have recordings of the session for evidence. Everything she ever said has come true since then .... except this wonderful sounding man in uniform.

In 2012, I thought I found him. The man met every checklist in the long ago reading's description. The only problem was .... he wasn't seeking me at all. He didn't even like me. An understatement it is to say it was a major letdown. Yes there were others who crossed my path since 2002 who were viable candidates for the hero of my intuitive seer's vision. This man had much in common with those others with one exception. I actually went on a date with him.

My lingering sadness about it is not about him. He is not the issue. Nor is he truly at fault no matter how much I can believe he tricked me. Some days I really think he did. Most days now since "Healing Heather" came into my life, I am very aware and own up to realizing that I tricked myself first and foremost .... a long time ago.

No, the psychic wasn't wrong. She was right. What she accuratley perceived was an interpretation of images from my own mind. Images that resulted from being a fan of James Bond films and Law and Order episodes since elementary school. Being a Catholic is about trusting Divine will. So when I saw a psychic it laid the foundation to be tricked. Not by the seer but by myself.  There are some things one should not know. This was one of them. Now I am in repentance.

The blue moods are all mine and mine alone. Yes, I genuinely liked him and felt both the intellectual and physical attraction that had been missing from the others I dated. Sure there was Joseph and Andy before him. In fact, I had actual romances filled with mutual attraction with these other two. They were forgotten easily when it was over since both lacked the mental mind melt with me that I want.

Yet, when the psychic's supposed prime candidate showed up, he melted my mind and warmed my heart. Double dose of disappointment when he said he wasn't interested. My final verdict was and still is, I surrender once and for all despite my innocence. I surrender to the seeking of a beloved. I made a decision to make a baby instead. I am beyond done with this love quest of my own.

So when I began reading Heather's book "The Quest" it inspired me to give love one more chance. Coinciding with my plans to prepare my life for a baby, I've got a three point approach. The only goal I will act on to fulfilling now is to become pregnant by next year. Just like Monica Cruz I'm not going to let the absence of a man prevent me from choosing motherhood. Cruz has admitted that her first pregnancy is through an anonymous sperm donor.

I am forever done with dating. No more online dating winks, speed dating events, It's Just Lunch dates, faulty attract your soulmate methods, and pretty much anything connected to the games singles play. I'm done. I accept the very real fact that I will never hold a man's hand or more again from today until the day I die. The only reason I am going to see Matthew Hussey's live seminar in California in April is because he is known for leaving participants inspired. One can never have enough inspiration.

Yet to stay open to love if it is meant to be still, I'm going to leave a welcome mat to my real true love (I'm done with the man who was predicted as an idea) by: (1) Going to San Diego to do Debi Berndt's Awaken Your Inner Soulmate Retreat, (2) joined the database of a Southern California matchmaker named Stellar Hitch, and (3) Praying one 9-day Catholic novena after another to only desire what God's will is for me, even if it means no spouse or chance at motherhood. This is an act of complete surrender.

Stellar Hitch has a portfolio or database. Anyone can apply to be in it. Accepted portfolio members are not the same as a paying client who hires the matchmaker. If they happen to match what a matchmaking client is looking for they may get an introduction. Taking a final risk by doing Debi Berndt's workshop is about removing my inner obstacles to welcoming love. It is also to re-program my mind to only notice and be attracted to a man who is a mutual match and good to me.

Such a man would be one I would meet the old fashioned way ... in person the first time we meet. The way Sir Sean Connery met his wife of over 40 years. Or how James Garner met and married his wife of 60 years and counting ... in a matter of weeks. Even better, just like the way Matt Damon got hit with Cupid's Arrow. Damon said once in an interview that the second he saw his spouse the first time, he just knew. Never again will I be vulnerable to being attracted to one who has nothing but coldness and disdain towards me.

Praying is an act of trust. Trust that whatever outcome it is that it will be my heart's desire fulfilled. Prayer now. No more psychic predictions. Auf Wiedersehn to the man of the psychic's predictions. You never were real. Thank God for that. I surrender to the unknown. I surrender my dreams of an idea of a man who was foretold but was just a dream. Whatever the psychic saw, it just wasn't the one. The one is always a mutual affection.

Lovely Laura Day predicted a hero but perhaps Our Lady of Lourdes will grant me a miracle instead. This time I am open to being surprised to what it would look like. If the miracle includes a daughter, I'm naming her Heather Katja. A combination of "Healing Heather" and the German version of the name of her book's heroine Kathryn.

P.S. For some musical inspiration about love, just for the sake of love itself, watch Justin Timberlake's new "Mirrors" video. Timberlake pays tribute to his grandparents' decades long enduring romance.