Baby Love: It was Right to be Wrong

Self, Family

Isn't it ironic? The one who fit the bill was fake but the last thing on your mind was real.

Life is a paradox. The man who looked like the actor I never got into, fit the bill, and the one who resembled the actor who is my number one, couldn't if he tried. The irony is ... part of me is convinced only Sherlock Holmes can deduce if the former was ever real. Or at least, the mythical Holmes is the only one who could tell me whether Collin Farrell's doppelganger had good intentions or really intended to trick me in a game of emotional target practice.

The end of a mystery is the end game. My heart would like to know it opened because it was him being him or if he was testing NLP rapid rapport building techniques to prove to himself that he could attract any woman he wanted at will like Paul Janka and I was his guinea pig.

His name was Andy and he fit the bill. He looked like Michael Fassbender and also had a thing for women who looked like me. Andy openly told me that he liked me and why. I liked him back of course. When I found his old picture from last summer he still was a handsome guy to me. Funny thing is, Andy met alot of descriptions on my wish list, except one ... he wasn't very smart.

Looks only go so far and despite being Fassbender's doppelganger, he ceased being super handsome the more evident it was he was just well ... slow. Andy was fun though. I didn't hold back with him. Told him all the time that he was handsome, super hot, and kept asking him to tell me what would make him think of kissing me throughout the day. We were always sending pictures to one another throughout the day. Don't worry, they were all G-rated.

Eventually Andy revealed himself to be the guy who coasted on his looks and athleticism in life. While he told me things that any female wants to hear from a man she finds attractive, Andy didn't seem to get me, he couldn't keep up with my intellect. Even worse, my strength unnerved him. Despite being the state wrestling champion in his division at 18 my debate skills seemed to intimidate Andy so easily.

In the end it was "Auf Wiedersehn" ... a word I had to explain to him was a word in German. Andy lacked the cognition to realize that there was a world outside Seattle.

How could I walk away from someone like that I thought at the beginning. He looked like my favorite actor. I'd never find someone who liked me again who was just that hot. Months passed and along came someone else. He was very different. The checklist didn't have any check marks. He was much calmer than Andy and he could keep up with me. The only mystery was and is ... was he real?

In some ways he was the last thing on my mind because he'd never notice me in a crowd the way Andy would have. I like mysteries. Sherlock Holmes found a fan in me when I was 10. So we kept talking. Irony again. I had found and returned Michael Fassbender's doppelganger only to meet the polar opposite. I've referred to the later as Colin Farrell's double. It was different with him.

"Colin" never told me he liked me. I still don't know if he ever did. I think he did not. BodyTalk practitioner and coach Heather Strang aka "Healing Heather" feels he was sincere and wasn't trying to use me as a dating lab rat without regard. Unlike Andy, I never said to "Colin" that I was attracted to him on the surface and beyond. We had a very different dynamic but contrary to appearances, any warmth I had towards Andy, was like Arctic frost compared to my sentiment towards "Colin".

Merry Wise, author of Learn to Be a Soul Mate Magnet, told me that it was just a mirror. Perhaps Colin Doppelganger was simply showing me about my own tendencies to keep my distance on dates even if I'm being friendly. That is all it was. I want to agree with both Heather and Merry. I just wish my heart had stayed chill. My mind can't understand why it was Colin doppelganger instead of the Fassbender double who had that heart opening effect on me. The only explanation is that he employed the the best of NLP.

For some reason my emotions were like the toasty embers of a fireplace. Cozy comfort. Andy may have generated a few sparks but they went cold fast. Colin doppelganger was more a slow steady fire. The experience was interesting, somewhat surreal, and ended too soon. Colin doppelganger was able to do what even Andy in his most Fassbender like moves could my heart to breathe again. It was Colin doppelganger who had my heart singing ... I want to dance and love and dance again.

Now, it's like my heart is healing and letting go of needing an answer but at times, is almost humming ... it's a hopeless place to ever think the truth will be known. It still needs some Irish luck to 100% forget all about it. Ironically, Michael Fassbender and Colin Farrell are both considered the best Irish exports to American film. At least I know that Colin is real.

For now, it's baby preparation time. I've narrowed it down to five potential donors but I think the Michael Fassbender look-a-like donor is going to be my top pick.