Does Jock Culture Breed Bad Boys?


Is the Steubenville Rape Trial the latest proof that jocks are dangerous on dates?

Jock. They may be dumb or really smart but are all of them bred to be bad to the bone. I don't mean bad in that sexy bad boy way. I truly am referring to the dangerous kind. The kind that that feels entitled to take what he wants whenever and how he pleases. This is the guy who always had above average testosterone in his system. He is the one who was often a star athlete, or naturally cocky before puberty, was a hero with privilege from his peers and even authority figures. There is a difference between the jock and the athlete. At least for me there is. A jock is the guy who won't take no for an answer. He may even take serious offense to the word. An athlete is someone who excels in physical sports but whose identity and self-concept is based on more than just that. This is all just a personal opinion because in my experience it's the jocks who didn't grant female full person status, but the athletes did. I'll elaborate in the following metaphor:

Case Study 1: Andy the Jock. Andy was born to compete in every sports known to the varsity world. In High School he lettered in wrestling, track and field, and swimming. His GPA struggled eternally at 1.8 but he got into a state college on a wrestling scholarship. Andy fancied himself some combination of Sean Connery and Matthew McConaughey character. Unfortunately, Andy lacked the ability to ever form a fully developed pre-frontal cortex. How do I judge him so harshly? First, he lived with a roommate who was his best friend in high school who was a muscle head. They were iron pumping wrestling teammates into college. So while Andy worked as a security guard at JCPenney, his buddy was a bartender/bouncer/Sears catalog model with dreams of being like Erik Estrada in CHIPS as he indulged his Asian fetish looking for his perfect Geisha in LA. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are even if I don't know you at all. Then there is the whole Pit bull pet of theirs. And Andy still wondered why I would never drive to Irvine to see him. Yeah, he wasn't very smart.

Andy lacked the cognitive capacity to see me beyond his exotic fantasy of what a Dutch-Indonesian but Asian looking enough woman looked like. As a result, Andy pursued me with a vengeance. The only problem was, when I started revealing who I was on the inside, Andy got so insecure and threatened that he resorted to control tactics. When Andy learned that I spoke German, had lived in Europe, and worked with men of better breeding than him, he drove himself crazy thinking he would be tossed. His remedy? Control, control, control. Unfortunately, I wasn't like Orange County Asian-American women wanting to be Malibu Barbie inside, who would acquiesce. Hell no. I didn't fight back the way that Andy's wrestling opponents did. No. I didn't have to. Why? Mental combat can castrate with words just as well. Yet there were moments when he'd grab my arm or stand in front of me that I had to trust God that my words would stop him. The last day we met and talked I told him I was done. I knew his lies and one-by-one I called him on all of them. His face was so red that I thought I'd have to jump back. So I walked backwards to the car and sped away.

Case Study 2: Thor the athlete. Thor was the German-Swedish-American son of a power couple. His mother was a CFO and his father an Investment Banker. During his undergrad days at Stanford, Thor played Polo, Water Polo, Tennis, and Soccer. Fluent in three languages, during his summer holidays, Thor would workout with a Swedish soccer steam in Stockholm with his cousin. Outside sports, he was involved in the finance and math club while competing in intercollegiate debates. Thor had a perfect score on the math section of the SAT, was on full academic scholarship throughout his four years earning his Bachelor's, and his GPA was a steady 4.0. When it came to women, Thor has his pick of the flock, but he fundamentally sees females as people. He told me he is looking for someone like his mother. While I didn't date Thor I knew that his romantic history included an engagement one romantic night in Washington, DC and a near elopement. Even at 23 Thor was capable of commitment. Their relationship ended because she wouldn't move from L.A. to be closer to him and long-distance is hard.

Thor had a steady temperament. Never really got mad. He would become annoyed but would shake it off. Thor had a calm grounded kind of confidence. Even when we would disagree he would re-direct the conversation if it got too heated or he felt it could escalate to a passionate debate. Never one did I see his jawline clench, his arm muscles flex, or his face turn red with rage instead of shyness. Thor related to me as myself and could understand how living in different countries made my perspective unique. Instead of resorting to control Thor just knew his truth and it was not threatening to him for another person to disagree. Thor could read The Economist, speak German, and knew his value. He was not a jock in any which way because of his slow to anger, didn't act like he was physically entitled with any woman he was attracted to, and never raised his hand to grab or shake me.

The key distinction between jock versus athlete as exemplified by the two people above: Thor was part of a team when he was a college athlete but he thought for himself. Unlike Andy who only had cognition when he was hanging out with his fellow kind. The kind who felt it ok to shove and push their girlfriends because they lacked internal self regulation. Just like Neanderthals who grabbed women by the hair and dragged them back to the cave to reproduce. Men like Thor have the verbal and social-emotional skills to seduce a woman and put her under his spell. A jock resorts to brute force and their fellow cavemen encourage and reward them for it.