Why Some Women Want a Man Behind Bars


Why some women forgo relationships with free men, and go after the fellas on the inside.

Believe me, I understand having a fetish for bad boys. We've all entertained certain fantasies after seeing a particularly rousing episode of Prison Break. What woman wouldn't want to spend a night with a tattooed alpha male who looks like he's been carved out of stone. Can I reserve a cell for two please? But some woman take their carnal cravings for a law breaker a little more seriously. When imagination just won't cut it, they look for the real deal and seek real life inmates looking for love.

So how does one go about dating a prisoner? Well, you can do just about anything on the Internet these days—including find you perfect prison boyfriend. Believe it or not, several websites exist to facilitate courtships between men behind bars and women on the outside who think that sort of thing is sexy. Sites like Write a Prisoner http://www.writeaprisoner.com/ and Hot Prison Pals http://hotprisonpals.com/inmates.htm allow inmates to put up profiles of themselves which people can pursue. Once a person has found an inmate that he/she "likes" (there are both male and female inmate profiles) the person browsing can choose to write to the prisoner and begin a correspondence, which will hopefully blossom into romance.

Dating someone in prison means no dates, no dinners, no movies, no dancing, nothing. You might be able to get contact visits if you can pass the facility's screening process, which means you can give each other a brief hug and kiss at the start and end of your visit. However, many facilities don't allow contact visits and even if it does, this is a relatively easy privilege to lose. The idea of dating an inmate may sound exciting at first, but once you realize that you can’t sleep in the same bed, take trips together, or talk about anything in private—ever, most women snap out of it and look for a traditional relationship. Most women, that is. For some, a lack of physical contact and private conversations are merely minor inconveniences in their quest for a jailbird lover.

But why would these women sacrifice a potentially fulfilling, healthy relationship with a free man, and actively try to find a prisoner to fall in love with? Here are 3 possible explanations.

1) "But I can save him"

For some ladies, a man in prison in the depths of despair, is the ultimate "fixer upper." While a guy on the outside will not hesitate to exercise his freewill and run for the hills once he senses that the lady in his life is trying to change him, an inmate who is starved for companionship will most likely be more receptive to being “saved” than your average Joe would be. Some women love being a source of salvation for broken people.

2) "I don't have to worry about his cheating"

For the uber-jelly gals who are too possessive to maintain a relationship with a free man, a prison bf is the perfect compromise. They know where their man is at all times, and that he won’t cheat because he doesn’t have access to any other women. But this actually isn't true. A female prison guard recently posted this in an online chat room.

"And they DO "cheat", so to speak, most of them are writing to more than one woman at a time and orchestrate their visits so that they aren't found out. In my opinion, most inmates have dedicated their lives to using, manipulating, and harming good people because they are predators who perceive kindness as a weakness to be exploited."

So there you go, ladies. He can still be a dog from inside of a jail cell.

3) "I've Got Hand"

For the power bottoms out there, dating a dude who's locked up is the ultimate satisfaction. He's so big and strong and dangerous and sexy. But the woman has all the control. When a woman gets involved with a man who is behind bars, she has the upper-hand in the relationship 100% of the time. Think about it, he's stuck in a cell all day pining away for you, hoping you don't meet a better man out there, while you're living your life. Of course he's going to be constantly worried about losing his girl. This throws the power dynamics way off and before she knows it, her hardened prisoner transforms into a lovesick puppy dog, especially if the inmate doesn’t have family on the outside. A dependence forms, and for some women, having this kind of ultimate domination over their relationship is extremely desirable.

In other words, prison romances are perfect for us codependent gals who constantly need to hear that the man in our lives "needs us." While most people think neediness is a turn off, some people find it sexy.

Too Dangerous

Aside from the obvious intimacy hurdles in a relationship like this, there are significant risks associated with pursuing romance with a prisoner.
The inmate can easily become obsessed. They may start demanding more and more of their partners and grow increasingly jealous, or suspicious of their girlfriend's outside activities. Women who write to men in prison must understand that many of these inmates have been locked up for years, possibly even decades and may not have had contact with a woman for a long time. This, in combination with the fact that a prisoner doesn’t have much to do all day but sit around and think about their “girlfriend” on the outside, can often be the perfect recipe for obsession, which can lead to desperate, dangerous actions if the inmate’s attachment becomes too strong. Additionally, the inmate has the woman's address, which could lead to dangerous repercussions if things go sour.

Remember ladies, there are other places to meet muscular, tatted up bad boys aside from your local penitentiary.

If the whole prison thing kinda leaves you freaked out, as opposed to turned on, consider performing a criminal records search http://www.instantcheckmate.com/criminal-records/ on the dude you’re dating. It's an easy way to find out if someone has a criminal history, without having to awkwardly ask them on the first date.