How A "People Pleaser" Found Her Voice!


"The way we communicate with other and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives

A long time ago, I had no voice. I was raised to be a “people pleaser.” And many of people I have pleased… Making others happy, made me feel good the majority of the time but there where also days where I felt emotionally, physically & spiritually drained. At times, I attempted to please myself but I had one big problem: I didn’t know what made me happy. I mean really, REALLY happy. So, my “pursuit of happiness” began…

Eventually, I “found” happiness! But, after a while, I had enough of the happiness crap I wanted joy! I decided to open my mind, body and soul to live a life of joy. The road of self-discovery was a wild path. Sure there were times, I wish I didn’t have to follow that wild route but since I survived the experience, found my voice and learned many lessons, I wouldn’t change a thing because that path helped me create the life I live today. One exception, if I caused pain for others along my path, for that I am truly sorry and would change that if I had a choice.

My journey… in search of MY “voice,” was absolutely incredible! I enjoyed conversations with people from all over the world, from all walks of life. Our conversations or lack thereof were very interesting to say the least.

I met people that could only speak on paper. People that wrote elegantly when they put “pen to paper” but when it came time for us to communicate “face to face” it nearly killed them. So, in an effort to communicate in person, we wrote notes to each other, no joke!

Others that I met along the way couldn’t express their words at all so they resorted to using their fists!

Then there were the women that I shared time with that could openly communicate with their body language but ask them to use their words and they are at a loss.

This one man that I met exuded confidence on stage but if you attempted to share an intimate conversation with him, then its complete uncomfortably.

There were a few people that I observed that could successfully communicate rather orally or written, in large groups or individually, but their attire didn’t match what
they are communicating so the message was lost in translation.

My “Journey for Joy” in search of my “voice” was so transformational because I discovered my values and the ability to, not only communicate my values but also live my values! I do not consider myself an expert communicator by any means or a flawless human being but I do feel I am able to express myself by using my “voice.” Living a life with the awareness of who I am and what my purpose is, in community with others is a quality filled life, full of joy and meaning… the life I use to hope for but now live and it was found by learning to communicate with myself and others.

Thank you, to all of you, whom I met on my journey called life including YOU for reading this article. May you have joy on your journey by using your voice—remember… the journey IS the destination!

Allow me to use my voice today, tell me your thoughts on this article and allow me to respond. All replies are welcomed… the good, the bad and the ugly! I would also enjoy hearing how you "use your voice."

Kisha Calix is a Certified Life Coach.  She provides confidential coaching and consulting services to individuals and companies to optimize their potential. Find her on Facebook.