My Darkest Battle:

Heartbreak, Self

This is about how I battled my way through when I never thought I could get through it.

Me and my ex-boyfriend have been going out and breaking up for 2 years. This is how is it started (His name is Dustin by the way)

The first time I was 15 a freshman in highscool and Dustin was 16 a junior also in highchool( We went to the same highschool together).When we first meet on facebook and after he asked me out, everything in my life had changed.I thought everything was perfect I thought for a moment that he was the one that I was waiting for. We dated from December and July which is 7 months and during the first two months that we dated, he took me to places and I felt special.I was even his first real kiss he had, even though it was his first time it still felt real. Then we started really getting physical like making out heavily, we did finger sex. and I gave him handjobs and sometimes we would practice the sex postion etc... ( I know crazy right), and knew it was a guy thing. Even though he went slow with me and stopped whenever I told him too. It seemed like he only came over more for the sex but that was something I didn't think of at the time.
Everything was going so well, then the next three months of going out we started having problems, and things got overwhelming,we still loved one another,but we never worked them out and just let them fly by. I didn't understand his work schedule either. I was way over my head trying also to find a job for planning my future with him. Another issue was thatI started feeling neglected at times by him because whenever we would hang out with our friends he wouldn't give me the attention that I wanted so I keep trying to get his attention, but then it turned into tempertantures. but he tolerelated it. I just wasn't happy then I thought anymore I was with him. I was miserable and I wanted more from him, it just wasn't enough.
True Colors started appearing and we couldn't handle it like we thought we would.I became a controlling, mean stubborn person, and critical. I wanted to keep him for myself and didn't want nobody else to have him. I got negative and I got angry at him for no reason, I doubted his love for me and our relationship, I didn't trust him enough, I was bossy, and got jealous when he would hang out with his friends espically when they were girls that he wasjust friends, I always assumed that he would cheat on me and I brought my ex-boyfriends name often and he started to get annoyed that. He just couldn't handle it anymore. just couldn't tolerate me no more.
He started to change, and lost interest for me. He made excuses not to talk to me or hang out, he started to avoid me on purpose and telling me to not make him the center of my world.I thought about breaking up with him cause I knew whatI did, but I knew I couldn't just give up on him yet,so I let that thought fly by. On July, 27 he wasn't his usual self around me when we went to fair with his friends that night, I didn't feel loved anymore. He acted like I wasn't there anymore even though he knew. I wanted to runaway that night then, I felt so horrible that day, but I knew I couldn't I wasn't gonna upset him like that anymore and I thought everything would be okay, I thought that maybe it be fine the next day, but I was wrong. The next day July 28 it really stormy day is when he broke up with me, but he said we could remain friends I thought I could handle it, I fell apart the next day. He told me that it was my fault and we got in a fight said somethings we wanted to say, but didn't mean and we stop talking to eachother. I took what he said I blamed myself, It was my loss and I deserved it.

( too be continued......)