Top 4 problems couples face

Love, Heartbreak

As varied, diverse and unique each couple and relationship is they all face a common set of problem

As varied, diverse and unique each couple and relationship is, they all face a common set of problems which brings them to seek outside help. Here is a list of the most common ones:

1. Fighting: this is usually the point where couples start thinking about seeking a third party's help, be it a counsellor, a therapist or a relationship coach. Typically, they go on and on in circles around the same perpetual issues without ever finding a satisfactory solutions. This leads to frustration, withdrawal and in the long term, increased isolation from the relationship. Conflicts are characterised by the presence of 4 relationship toxins: criticism; defensiveness; stonewalling (turning a cold shoulder, disengaging); contempt (the most harmful one).

2. Sex: Fighting or simply not getting along anymore often leads to a decreased sexual activity and interest. Couples start not having any; or having different levels of desires. As long as both partners are satisfied with that, the frequency of sex is not necessarily a problem. However, when one of the partners is unsatisfied with their sex life and fails to address this with his or partner, this can point to deeper problems in the relationship. Couple coaching is about understanding the meaning of sex for each partner, exploring questions such as intimacy and expressing what the partners want and need.

3. Money: the typical example is that one partner may be spending more than the other wishes to or not enough. This issue often points out to certain fears which are not understood by the other, for example being afraid of not being able to support the family financially; or wanting the family to enjoy life to the fullest. Please read my blog on the topic of discussing money and sex with less tension:


4. Affairs: Affairs are very often a sign that something "is trying to happen" in your relationship, they often happen when the relationship is no longer satisfactory to one of the partners, oftentimes one of the partners does not feel seen or desired by his spouse. Affairs entail a lot of guilt, pain hurt and sadness for both parties. Couple coaching is about helping couples to process these emotions and ultimately understand why the affair happened. Oftentimes, affairs occur because something is missing in the married relationship. Coaching is about uncovering that, and helping partners bounce back and create the relationship anew so that they can create a shared meaning out of this traumatic event.

You can read about my blog on the topic: Which one of these problems do you face in your marriage? how have you overcome them? I am curious to hear from you.