Why the Sex You Want Isn’t Happening


Don't have the sex life like that described in 50 Shades of Grey? Here's why...

Thank you, Fifty Shades of Grey, for taking the world by storm, and in the process, bringing to light an issue that desperately needs addressing. Why is it that so many women are craving passion in long-term relationships but not getting it? I suspect most women wouldn’t be so ardently reading the 50 Shades trilogy if they were experiencing more lust in their own bedrooms.

So why in the world, when nearly EVERYONE wants a better sex life, is it not happening for probably the majority of couples? Well I would like to say there is an easy answer for that question, but there isn't. The answer is quite complicated and it does depend on the individual couple and their unique sexual dynamics. Nonetheless, there is a LOT both men and women do today to sabotage their instinctual animal longing without even realizing it.


Here are some things each gender does to kill the primal passion you read about in 50 Shades of Grey


  • Ladies, you KNOW that foreplay starts outside of the bedroom. You tell your partner that if he took out the garbage or helped with the kids, you’d want to have sex with him. But the same wisdom can be applied to us! Supporting the masculinity in your man will only increase the chances that he’ll bring that energy back into the bedroom and serve it up on you. So keep in mind that nagging him makes him feel like a child, and he’s probably not going to want to have sex with his "mother." Find ways to communicate with him that are respectful and don’t make him feel like a kid who has messed up again. 


  • Gentlemen, this one’s for you. Without going in depth into evolutionary theory, you need to understand something. You are innately wired NOT to fight women. This is a good thing, cause if men were as comfortable fighting women as they are fighting other men, our entire species would probably be just a memory on this planet. But here is your dilemma: If you do not challenge your woman on occasion, and you always let her win arguments, she will eventually lose respect for you. If she loses respect for you, you can forget about sex. In the bedroom, she is only going to let go in your arms if she feels at a deep and profound level that you are stronger than she is. 



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About the Author: Dr. Marianne Brandon is a clinical psychologist and Diplomat in sex therapy through AASECT. You can learn more about her work at www.wellminds.comFollow Dr. Marianne Brandon on Twitter @DrBrandon and Facebook to learn more.


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