5 Steps to Getting Past a Breakup

Love, Heartbreak

1. Learn to self-soothe: It's really a combination of relaxation (some meditation), affirmations, positive self-talk and telling yourself that what you’re PERCEIVING is not necessarily how it is and, even if it is, you can survive it. Believe me, you will believe it after a while. Because the bottom line is: if you want to be okay, you will be.

2.Unplug: When I talk to my readers and clients and even my kids about their lives, I know one thing. I am so grateful there were no cell phones, Facebook, or Twitter when I was growing up and again when I was dating. I espouse unpluggedness for at least one hour a day and encourage people to go manual for at least a day or half a day each week. Getting back to just listening to music with no other distractions (just listening, not playing Angry Birds while doing it) and reading a book (sitting down and reading for long stretches at a time without interruption) has had a healing effect on me.
Are you having a hard time getting past your breakup? Join relationship expert and author Susan J. Elliott for a weekend-long seminar in New York City for anyone living through the experience. More info here: http://bit.ly/Ih58WV

3.Remember the cycle: When it is a dark time in life, when there has been loss and sorrow, it is good to remember that life is a cycle and in order to bloom and grow we need the dark times, the restful times, the time to go inward and explore our own depths before we can turn our faces to the sun. It is difficult to appreciate our ability to bloom when we are in the midst of own personal winter.

4.Don't dream of revenge: A few of you would like the ex to “get theirs.” First, this is a normal and natural emotion but don’t dwell there because it will destroy you in due time. You can’t wait around for the world to suddenly turn “right.” If it did, I would hope that “fairness” would take care of hungry children and abused animals before it takes care of your ex getting his or hers. Second, they will get theirs only you don’t know when and you don’t know how and they might not even know it when it happens.

5. Don’t let your grief limit your life: Most self-defeating behaviors such as rage and untamed anger can be traced to unresolved grief. Like defense mechanisms, unresolved grief and the unresolved emotions limit our life scope in so many ways. Unresolved grief becomes the fear of loving and losing that dogs our every step in relationships. If we’re too angry or too sad all the time, people do not want to be around us. Unresolved grief keeps us from having happy, healthy and wonderful relationships. To get past our past, to get past our anger or our sadness and to enjoy life, we must resolve our unresolved grief.

Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. is the developer of the Getting Past Your Past series of workshops and seminars, author of Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You (Da Capo, 2009),