Marriage and Children - Reasons and Consequences to Consider

Love, Family

Learn about the good vs. bad reasons and consequences for getting married and having children.

you to, or you feel that it is a "duty" to have them. If you fall for such a trap, of doing something that's not right for you just because society/other people say you should, then you could end up making the BIGGEST MISTAKE of your life!

Moreover, even if you love children, you are still taking a big risk by having them, because:

1. You have no control over what kind of personality your child will have. He or she may have a personality that may not get along with your, or may be incompatible with you.
2. There is no guarantee that the child won't be born with chronic health problems or complications, which would become a big burden and worry on you.

So in effect, you are risking a lot of trouble simply because society and others say so. 

Take a look at all these hundreds of mothers railing about motherhood being the biggest mistake of their lives, resulting in neverending suffering: http://www.justrage.com/I_Hate/i-hate-being-a-fucking-mother-and-i-dont-care-if-you-call-me-a-bitch/ 

Let's take a look at some of the reasons that people have children:

1. Out of the biological instinct to reproduce.
2. Cultural or social programming.
3. Pressure from family and friends.
4. Out of a natural love for children.
5. Out of a desire to continue one's lineage.
6. To have an inheritor for one's assets or business/corporation.
7. By accident during sex.
8. To have someone care for them during old age.

Let's look at these reasons: #1 is natural and understandable. However, humans have intelligence and the ability to reason. They can choose to follow their instincts or choose not to. That's what differentiates us from animals. Also, you can have sex without having children if you use proper birth control. Not everyone wants kids or is cut out for them. As to #2 and #3, well they are pure brainwashing - nothing else needs to be said there. #4 is a legit reason to have kids. But you have to really love them, A LOT! Enough to sacrifice selflessly for them.

However, the problem with this is that you can't be sure what your child will turn out like. Not every child is cute, intelligent and well-behaved. Some are monsters who are out of control and disruptive, and do not respond to disciplinary measures. Others have mental or functional disorders. Not all children are the same. Like adults, they are individuals. You do not know what you will get. It's a risk you take, with permanent consequences, which may not turn out the way you want.

Also, it's one thing to think that you love kids and are willing to sacrifice for them, but it's another to actually do it. Some actually regret it later when they are overwhelmed by the burden and disruptions to their life, but by then, it's too late. That's why this is something that could turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life. You gotta understand that thinking and doing something are completely different. For example, many veterans before going to war thought it was an honor to "serve their country" and were willing to die for it. But once there, they realized it was a mistake and not what they thought it was, and many paid a huge price for it. It was the most costly mistake of their lives. As they say, "having and wanting are two different things".

Imagine having a baby disturb your sleep every night with his crying, and then disrupt your daytime with his constant yelling and screaming. Some even cause disruption out in public and embarrassing you. Imagine having no peace and quiet, and no privacy, everyday! No one has 100 percent tolerance. Your breaking point will eventually be reached, and will be reached sooner if you are annoyed easily. At some point, you will eventually ask yourself, "Why should I put up with all this? What for? What do I get out of it? NOTHING?! What a scam! What a cruel trap that society has placed on me! Why didn't anyone warn me? Why did everyone trick me into thinking that having kids was a wonderful blessing I needed to be complete? What a scam, trap and prison! This was the BIGGEST MISTAKE of my life! And worst of all, the consequences are permanent!"

#5 is understandable too. However, it's an illusion because after you're gone, you probably won't even know that your lineage didn't continue anyway, as you may not retain your memories in an afterlife state. #6 is a rare reason because most people do not own any corporate empire to pass on to, nor do they think of their assets when having children. So it is not a primary reason, mostly a secondary one. #7 is a tragedy, because as mentioned before, having an unwanted child is a costly mistake with permanent consequences.

#8 is a selfish reason to have kids, bringing them into the world just so you won't have to be alone in your old age. Again, this is a secondary reason, not a primary one. One can also hire a caretaker - it's much cheaper than raising children, that's for sure. Moreover, you don't really know if your children will take care of you, especially if you in the USA, where many children rarely see their parents after they turn 20 and move out, and selfishness is considered a virtue and right. Plus, you don't have to be alone during old age. You can make friends, have a spouse to grow old with, or chat with other seniors - there are many at Denny's and in public parks who are glad to chat with strangers.

Children can give you love and other intangible emotional benefits. Sure. But is it worth all the above? Think about it. If you love children, can you instead become a teacher, daycare worker, babysitter, Summer camp counselor, volunteer to help children, or tutor them? That way, you can enjoy their presence without being burdened or enslaved to them for 20 years with no way out,