Ladies, Stop The Smack Talk!

speak no evil

In the end, man bashing makes you look foolish.

This is a blog post by a member of the YourTango community and does not represent the opinions of YourTango.com or its employees.

Once upon a time, a beautiful girl named Marissa met a wonderful beefcake named Michael. After hours of walking through a park and engaging in long romantic talks, they fell deeply in love. And they lived happily ever after. NOT! After six months, Michael moved into her apartment. Exactly one year after that he dumped her, for another woman. Marissa was devastated. How could he do this?

Marissa decided to throw herself back into the dating world, out of spite. Within weeks she met a sweet man named Pete. She knew Pete was a “rebound” yet she still allowed herself to encounter feelings of love toward this man. Her friends knew the feelings were residual emotions from Michael, but Marissa insisted they were real. And four months into this new relationship, Pete dumped her too, for being too clingy and insecure. Weeks later, Marissa had stopped crying, was able to regroup, and move on. (Or so we thought). Instead Marissa swore off men, and became a “man-basher”. You know, that woman who hates men, calls them every name in the book, and can do nothing but find fault in all her friend’s boyfriends and husbands. She became a bitter, judgmental woman, and soon, no one wanted to ask her out, never the less even talk to her.

In reality, I am sure you can see the scenario. It is pretty common, but not all women hate men after being dumped. When women hate men, it is often because of being previously abused by men, because they were dumped by a man, or because they have been cheated on. Some woman may even despise men because there is a lack of men in their life.

What ever the reason is, if you have become a verbal “hater”, while you bash and bad mouth your ex, you are setting yourself up for failure. You are allowing yourself to demoralize another human being, aloud, instead of respecting yourself enough to hold your head up high, keep the focus on yourself, and walk in dignity. You have become the stoic, victim, whom even your girlfriends are going to feel extremely uncomfortable around.

Break ups are hard enough to handle. Being able to Bounce Back takes time, inner strength, and a support group. No matter how long the relationship lasted, or how intense the chemistry was, a break up can cause disruption in our lives. How we react to our situation, is what counts. Here are a few tips to avoid the “man bashing” role, and salvage your self respect:

1) Try not to speak any negative comments about your ex,

This will just make your situation worse. Saying very little is best at this point. Worry about your own health and well being. Leave history behind you while you work on your own future. Embrace the break up, and focus on a new life you are about to create for yourself.

2) Do not call your ex’s family and friends.

Bad experiences will change a person and make them bitter, if they are not able to work through the experience.Make it a point to keep your head clear, and do not call your ex’s family or friends to find out if they are with someone new. Your mind may want to know facts or details about your ex, but you are setting yourself up for heartache which leads to bitterness. And bitterness leads to much unwanted negativity. You are creating a, avenue of failure, and keeping yourself stuck in self pity. You may never open your new door to a new love, if you stay locked inside your bitter, resentful door.

3) Surround yourself with happiness and positive people. 

Try and find gratitude in all that you do. A bitter, arrogant personality in a woman is what men and woman find extremely irritating. It is a complete turn off for all. Have you ever heard some one speaking so angrily about their ex? Words were said with such fury and hate, that you hadto turn your head to look and see who is speaking? No matter how bad someone hurt you, as you voice your verbiage aloud, about your opinion of this person, you sound like a retched evil person. Although you are heartbroken, you are repelling people and causing others to unfairly judge you for your words, not for the respectable person you were before your heart was broken. You never know who can hear you. Prospective new bosses, a friend of a friend, even your ex’s family may be in ears reach of your words. Your anger and man bashing can cause you to appear so volatile that you may not get that new job. Your words can get back to your ex, making him/her lash back out of defense, causing more anger and pain in yourself. You have kept your cycle of negativity alive, and stepped on any chances of positive happiness in your near future.

4) Forgive and Let Go

You cannot attract any new opportunities, or a new love, if you do not find forgiveness. Lack of forgiveness will lead to hate. The first phase to Bounce Back is to release negative energy. “Before you can even begin to bounce back, we believe you need to be positive and focused on yourself - and that means releasing the negative energy in your life.” If you are man bashing, you have not released your negative energy. You have only set yourself up for more heartache in other realms of your life”. No one likes a “man-basher” or a permanent, angry victim. At the end of the day, you are only bashing your own life, when you outwardly bash another human being.

I leave you with the “Optimist Creed.” It is a wonderful creed to live by. As you feel the anger, hurt, or you feel the hatred seeping up from your heart, out through your lips, recite this poem. Read it over and over until it sinks into your bones.


The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself ...

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.