Cutting Your Cord


An article about how to cut the cord from your mother.

Today one of my clients asked how she could cut her cord:
Here is my answer to her question:

I dreamed last year that I needed to cut my cord in order to be happy here with my children and my husband. (As you know, all of my family is in Germany and I am the only one here in the States)

I had no idea what it would look like. I kept holding onto an intention: a curiosity to find out what cutting my cord in a healthy way would look like.

Previously I had thought I had already cut my cord, but the truth was I was just running away and pretending I didn’t need my family and my roots. This did not make me happy and I did end up in a far away country.

I knew after cutting my cord in a healthy way I would feel different. I would feel at peace and connected. I would feel at peace with me being so far away from the rest of my tribe. I would feel like I could finally settle and build my life here while feeling deeply connected to „there“ (My parents, my siblings, my roots).

My task throughout this year was to practice keeping my heart open, even around my parents. (I did spend 5 months in Germany to be able to do that)

This was difficult at first. Because of all the stories from the past.

One of the key elements was to allow myself to feel the way I was feeling even if it was irrational.

If I was feeling afraid I would just be with that feeling. Even though part of me thought it was ridiculous to be afraid of my mother now that I am a grown up.

Now that I am making decisions for myself and not her.

I started parenting my inner child by giving it the attention it needed.

Usually when you are feeling disconnected and mentally confused, those are the times to take a "break" from the world and just be with yourself and do some inner work.

I also did several family constellations around this issue.

The practice of keeping my heart open at all times and tending to my feelings no matter what, was what enabled me to let go of my ties (cutting my cord).

I feel free to choose to be here or there or both now. I feel free to have my own life, in honor of my roots. I do feel connected and supported.

I feel at peace.

I invite you to pose the question of how you can cut your cord as an intention for 2012. See what comes to you. Remember that this whole journey into love is an ongoing process so be gentle with yourself.