Male Lap Dances, Penis Biting And More: Cosmo's August Issue

Kim Kardashian on the cover of Cosmo august 2011

The bedroom is no place for a spatula. Sorry, Cosmo.

Cosmo is at it again, serving up the latest batch of crazy sex advice in their August issue. And once again, College Candy took the opportunity to make digs at their sometimes cringe-worthy sex tips. They've got some pretty hilarious things to say, but we here at YourTango like to add our own hilariousness to the mix. So here are my opinions on these bizarre bedroom tricks:

Cosmo-sanctioned Sex Move: Ask him to give you a lap dance.

I can't even imagine the look of horror on my guy's face if I asked him to do this. What's even more terrifying is the mental picture of him actually trying to do it. I doubt it would be sexy, graceful — or even bearable to look at.

Cosmo-sanctioned Sex Move: Gently bite his penis.

I feel like there's a thin line between "gently biting" and, "Ow! WTF are you doing?" and I'd prefer to try to stay away from that so no one sues me, thankyouverymuch.

Cosmo-sanctioned Sex Move: Spank his butt with a spatula.

I could never look at a pancake the same way again.

Cosmo-sanctioned Sex Move: Put your finger in his butt.

Some men like this. They should get a butt plug. My finger is not going up there.

Read College Candy's reaction here: Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: August Edition

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