Why Men Secretly Wish They Were Women

man getting facial at spa
Love, Self

One dude shares why women have it better: living longer, being pampered and having breasts!

Last week's Dude's List was all about why he likes to be a him rather than a her. However, I not so subtly hinted in that article that every advantage reflects a disadvantage, every strength hides a weakness, and so, this Dude's List I turn the tables on the boys. This time I go over the top dozen reasons you've got it over us. That's right, I actually went 1 further! CollegeCandy: 11 Reasons He's Happy He's A He Instead Of A She

Show Emotion
Let's get the cliché out of the way. Yes, men are encouraged still to be more emotionally repressed. We are incorrigible due to the idea of having to be stronger, not to allow vulnerability, programmed to withhold because to be taken care of is weak and a sign of failure. I tread the line of the double standard but the standard is still the standard. I only wish this imbalance could get leveled out at long f*cking last.

Live Longer
So this is me sorta, kinda, maybe, backtracking on one of the perks I talked about last time. The fact we've got shorter life expectancies is really a blessing AND a curse. Who the heck really wants to die? Immortality's the vainest but most common dream there is. We want to see the iPad 3! We want to see the AIDS vaccine reach the market! We want to watch "Batman 100: The Dark Knight Never Dies!" Enjoy those extra years, ladies. Enjoy knowing what comes next.

Have Better Sex
Multiple. Orgasms. We fire them off one at a time. Then, in general (there is the occasional Kryptonian) we have to wait at LEAST 18 minutes before we're ready to go again. But you gals can work yourselves up to being the Energizer Bunny and just keep going and going and going and going… All those thousands of extra nerve endings you possess can take you to places we're not fit to travel to. I made a woman meow once. Know how many times I've meowed? A big, fat, doughnut hole, THAT'S HOW MANY!

Masturbate More Discreetly
Please argue this one the comments section below. Diagrams, visual aids, and philosophical citations are encouraged.

Read the rest on CollegeCandy: Dude's List: 12 Reasons We Wish We Were Women

More from CollegeCandy:

This article was originally published at College Candy. Reprinted with permission from the author.