Community Spotlight: The End of a 25-Year Affair

clothing evidence of affair

One woman ends an affair and another realizes her husband doesn't want kids. Our community weighs in

It's probably not surprising that an article with the title "My 25-Year Affair With a Married Man" has evoked a huge response, both from those who can relate and those who can't imagine. YourTango user A.J. met her married lover when she was going through a tough divorce and played the part of "the other woman" for a quarter of a century, until she finally realized that she was the only one who could fill the hole in her heart — and she cut off the affair. YourTango user koali can't relate but has respect for A.J.:

"It's self-esteem building time and independence-celebrating season for you. Change everything: hair, clothes, style. Try some art therapy and music. Don't spend the next 25 years explaining it. Get on with a new path! In the words of Aretha Franklin in the song 'Another Night' — 'I say the past is the past and it no longer matters.'"

On the other hand, user JulesJones can't help but feel for the wife:

"The woman built a home and a family, had to deal with all the stress of the daily routine, while she was just 'having fun with him'. Even that she thinks that it wasn't just fun, trust me, it was compared to a real relationship."

Can you relate, or do you think A.J. is to blame for the situation? Join the conversation: My 25-Year Affair With a Married Man.

In the Ask YourTango forum, user teajam asks what she should do now that she's in a marriage with a man who doesn't want kids.

"So my husband and I had a discussion today briefly about having children and he said it is not something he cares to do. That is a big problem for me as I have always wanted children and I cannot picture my life without having children of my own. But it seems as if he prefers to travel, etc., as another comment he made was that children break up the marriage because the husband and wife never have time together, etc. I really do not know what to do because I feel we have different views on life."

YourTango user sashasquash questions: "I'm wondering what kind of conversations you had about this *before* you got married. There are certain priorities I would want to share with a partner and I would make sure those were aligned before choosing to be with that person for life."

User V Ampire suggests: "If kids are number one for you.... I suggest you leave him now and go find a man who wants kids. Or, find a man that wants kids, and then leave current husband. At least enjoy him while you can."

What do you think? Do you have advice for teajam? Join the conversation: He doesn't want kids!