Enjoy the Process, Damn It.


Why is sex so often rushed?

I was seeing this guy for a month and a half, and we started having sex three weeks in. Sex sessions went on for an hour or more easily, and for whatever reason, the only time he ever came was the first time. Whether he was in control or I was in control, he just wouldn’t come. Although he didn’t give that as the reason, I think that might have influenced him to let our “thing” end, which leads me to this thought—

Guys need to stop seeing sex as a means to an end and simply enjoy the process.

Something a lot of you guys don’t know about me is that I’ve never had an orgasm from a guy. I’ve had guys who worked miracles with their tongues—guys so good with their hands that, if the vagina were an instrument, they could tune it without listening—and a fair amount of incredibly enjoyable sex. However, I’ve never had a guy bring me to climax. I’m not gonna lie, it kind of sucks, but I still love sex and the fact that it’s never happened doesn’t make me love it any less.

Provided sex lasts for any decent span of time, most of our sexual experience isn’t had climaxing but had enjoying the various physical sensations and possibly the emotional connection that it brings along. Unless you’re crunched for time, it’s not something to be rushed. Emotional connections aside, I know guys complain about “blue balls” and that’s why they “need to finish,” but I don’t buy it. I hooked up with this guy once who told me he would never come from head and, much to my chagrin, fulfilled that promise. I put in work anyway because he’d done the same for me, and months later rave reviews made their way back to me from people he’d talked to. Knowing that I didn’t make him come but hearing that I gave “bomb ass jaw” was certainly a confidence boost, and for me it also took credibility away from the guys who say not finishing is painful. It’s annoying at worst.

I was having a conversation with one of my older friends and she was telling me about how she and her husband finally started having sex again after a while of not doing it for one reason or another. She, too, described his actions as using sex “as a means to an end” in that he didn’t do much for her to enjoy it. Smart woman she is, she told him to straighten up and fly right if he wanted it to happen again.

What a lot of guys fail to realize is that girls don’t always come during sex. They just assume we do, or they fall for a well-acted fake orgasm. However, just because we don’t come doesn’t mean we’re not climbing back on top of you for more. Sex is just fun! One of the most sexual people I know, a girl even younger than myself that used to date a friend of mine, told me she’d never even had an orgasm (not even from a vibrator! What a travesty), but I knew from both her and my friend that she jumped him on the regular.

Maybe us girls are selling ourselves short for settling for anything less than an orgasm, but I think we’re just being realistic. On the other hand, I’ve heard of guys who don’t even consider it sex if they don’t ejaculate, no matter how long it lasted. That’s just silly. If our orgasms aren’t guaranteed, maybe yours shouldn’t be either? That said, this doesn’t mean I’m going to become a lazy lover. I just would like advise the gentlemen out there to enjoy the process whether you come or not.

So…why aren’t you having sex right now?
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