I'm Devastated! My BFF Broke Up With Me!

Love, Heartbreak

Roland Hinds says, "there are similarities to breaking up and ending a friendship,"

No more are the days when friends end relationship by telephone or writing a note. Imagine sitting at your computer screen and getting an instant message (IM) from your best friend forever (BFF). This is the person who you have shared secrets, spoke about your dreams and expected to grow old together. Sounds like a spouse?

You read the IM only to find out your BFF does not want to continue a friendship with you anymore. Your friend tells you, she feels both of you have been growing apart for awhile and suddenly ends the relationship without notice. How would you feel about receiving unexpected news from your BFF?

Depressed, sad, hurt or all of the above

In most cases if this sounds similar to breaking up with a boyfriend,you would be correct. Severing a serious friendship can be as painful and emotionally stressful experience, like divorce. Roland Hinds says, "there are similarities to breaking up and ending a friendship,"  If you cannot reconcile your friendship, it may become time to grieve the loss of your relationship and move forward with your life. How do you work through losing your long time friend?

Changing your routine - Discontinue doing the normal things you would normally do together. i.e. girls night out or weekly shopping.  If it become  too emotionally overwhelming, remove her number from your phone and any social media. This will reduce any temptations to reach out to your ex-best friend. Like a failed relationship, ending a frienship can feel like a real death for someone who is close to you.

Express your feelings of hurt - Find an uninterested party whom you can vent about all your woes. This is not intended to bash or have anyone else bash your friend so you feel better. Respect and cherish the years of friendship you shared together without creating any additional unnecessary drama.

Don't blame yourself - If your best friend has not told you why she is not choosing to maintain a friendship with you, do not assume it's because you did something wrong. If you want to know why your BFF is no longer interested in being friends, ask her "why she choosing to end the relationship?"  This could give you closure or additional insight to what has occured, instead of guessing what has happened.

Although you may feel like you will never get past the pain of losing your ex-BFF, you will survive. The lesson to be learned here is nothing's meant to lasts forever. Cherish the times you had and respect your friends decision to go their own way. Be strong!


Self-help relationship educator and author of "Are You The Right One For Me? Whose Choice Is It Anyway?", Roland Hinds coaches people who want to create a healthier interpersonal relationship.  Upcoming personal development webinar, Romance Awareness on August 1, 2011. 


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