He Cheated On You, So Why Is He So Angry?


Unfaithful husbands-even husbands who have always been loving can be inexplicably brutal once the fall for someone else. He's already found a new partner, and doesn't feel the loss of the marriage. You, on the other hand, are shattered, terrified of the future and collapsing on friends and relatives shoulders.

His happiness is the unkindest cut of all. He's already detached from you, or is in the process of detaching, which makes him excruciatingly insensitive. For middle aged women this scenario is even more painful, since the departing husband has found love, usually with a younger woman, and we know that we're unlikely to do the same. Our years of prime sexual attractiveness are over and available men will be few and far between at our age.

I was furious that my husband waited so long to leave when he insisted he'd been "unhappy since day one." I wondered why he hadn't left on day two when I was young enough to find another partner? He admitted he never could have left unless he'd found another woman, which was honest at least.

Sheree, a tall impeccably dressed brunette girlfriend, fifty-two, was treated despicably by her unfaithful ex despite her description of her marriage as "fun, more good times than bad. We both had a sense of adventure, we were good partners, a good team, worked together well as parents, coached Little League together."

But five or six years ago he started to keep secrets, became nasty and distancing. This didn't prepare her for what he said when he left for another woman. She relates with bewilderment and hurt what he said to her, "he was counting the days until the kids graduated from high school so he could leave. He told me he hated me. He'd had a plan to leave for twelve years before he left." Her husband, who had always been a good father, refuses to see his children now because they won't accept his girlfriend. 

When Sheree was in my divorce support group a few years ago she still hadn't totally absorbed his brutality, she still called him looking for approval. I'm happy to report that she no longer wants his approval, just the money he owes her. Emotionally she has finally "moved on."

  • Have you been the victim of his inability to empathize?
  • Did your lover cheat and turn the tables on you?
  • How did you survive his infidelity?

Written by Erica Manfred For Divorced Women Online

More About Love, Life and Divorce From Divorced Women Online

Why I am Grateful For His Infidelity

The Passive Aggressive Man: It's All About Control

Subscribe to YourTango's newsletter to keep up with us for FREE

- Our best articles delivered straight to your inbox
- The latest in entertainment and news
- Daily horoscopes and love advice

How Will You React to Your Ex's New Love?