Top 10 Surprising Ways To Get A Guy To Commit

Couple in the fall

At first, dating expert Rori Raye's ideas about how to get a man to commit seemed counter-intuitive: Don't be his girlfriend? Don't try to win him over? But then we realized this: Rori wants us to get a man to commit by being our most authentic selves, which, in turn, allows men to be their most authentic selves. And that makes a lot of sense.

These tips are only the beginning. If you want more of Rori's wisdom check out her blog and newsletter, Have The Relationship You Want, where she goes into much more detail.

1. Love him, but don't be his girlfriend. Being his girlfriend means being exclusive with out a "forever" promise. If you want to get married, don't be his girlfriend. A man might tell you that he needs time to decide if you're right for him, but according to Rori men know very soon whether or not you're the One.

2. Don't be exclusive until you're engaged. Once you've become exclusive and have your eye on marriage, a man can sense that you're thinking about the relationship, wondering where things are going, hoping he loves you as much as you love him—all of which are totally normal feelings, but they make men withdraw emotionally, says Rori. Not being exclusive gives you room to breath, relax and really figure out if this is the relationship for you, which allows him to fall for you without worrying that you're overly invested in him.

3. Date more than one man at once. The corollary to not being exclusive is dating more than one guy at a time. That way you can compare men to each other, you don't feel urgent about one particular man, and you're able to be open to new opportunities. Of course, if he's ready to commit and marry you then by all means, be exclusive—but not until he's ready to really commit.

4. Be able to receive love. If a man doesn’t think you're able to be loved, he won't be able to commit. You need to show him that you can handle his emotions and believe that he loves you.

5. Don't try to win him over. Don't make him dinner every night, clean his place for him and come over as soon as he says he has the flu. That will put you in the mother or friend category.

6. Tell him what you want. If you want to get engaged and he's stalling, tell him what you want. Be kind but direct. Keep it short and simple. And above all, be emotionally available to whatever his response it. Learn more about making this kind of speech on Rori's blog.

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7. Tell him how you feel. This is different from the "Here's what I want" speech. Telling him how you feel means expressing yourself in a non-judgmental, open way. If a man is guessing at what you're feeling he won't be able to connect with you.

8. Be vulnerable. You may be a CEO or President or Chairman of the Board, but if a man can't see your vulnerable, authentic self he won't be able to be open with you, either. If you let him see your secret sensitive side he'll feel safe with you and will be able to let his guard down around you, too.

9. Be in touch with your feelings. In order to do all of the above you need to be in touch with your feelings so that you can choose how you react to your feelings instead of allowing your feelings to control your actions.

10. Allow him to be who he really is. A man wants to be with a woman with whom he cam be completely himself. That doesn't mean being a jerk or doing typical guy things—it means expressing his true feelings—his real self. And you help him do that by doing the same with him: be your real self, feel and express your real feelings, and your man will fall for you—forever.

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