The Bachelor Episode Three: A Kiss (And Kick) From A Rose

Contestants on The Bachelor film an action movie.
Buzz, Love

Supreme emotional manipulation, Seal's cameo and stalker behavior define The Bachelor episode three.

Whatever happened to dinner and a movie?

You have to give it to the cupids who come up with Bachelor Brad's dates—they're hard to beat. On last night's show, Brad and his date Ashley S., (the nanny from NYC who scored the first impression rose), hit up Capitol Records in Hollywood to record a rendition of the hit Seal ballad, "Kiss From A Rose." It just happens to be Ashley's favorite song, one that her now deceased father used to sing to her. Hmm...coincidence? Doubtful. Why do you think those applications to appear on the show are so long? To find tearjerking information in hopes of causing breakdowns among the already fragile women in the house, naturally! I bet they know which hands she wipes with, too.

Anyway, the duet commences and it's. just. awful. Brad and Ashley are all smiles, but the poor dude recording this ear ache isn't so fond of their budding love. So they go into another recording studio, and wouldn't you know it, it's Seal! Singing "Kiss From A Rose"!

After Mr. Klum serenades them, Brad and Ashley retire to the roof where Ashley gets the rose. And a kiss.

Back at the mansion, the group date card arrives. Michelle warns the camera that if she's in the group, she will NOT be happy. Of course she gets chosen. The next day, the gaggle of spandex-clad girls meet Brad to film an action movie! He surprises them with an impromptu ninja fight (which he wins), and then tells each gal that they get to film an action scene with him.

Shawntel's kick butt moves make her stand out to Brad and snag a smooch. All the while, Michelle gives a play-by-play account of her feelings and how much it sucks that Brad is swapping spit with that hoochie. 6 Dead-End Dating Patterns—And How To Change Them

Brad throws the girls a wrap party after the shoot, and the claws come out. Each lady wants her one-on-one time with the man of the hour. Brad's really vibing with one girl, until he spots Michelle out of the corner of his eye, lurking in the dark. The added Psycho music adds a nice touch. Michelle steals him away and finally gets that kiss she's wanted. But Brad still gives the rose to Shawntel, the funeral director. Oh, snap!

The next day, Emily finally gets a one-on-one date with Brad. She's nervous about telling him about the daughter she had with her fiance, who died in a plane crash five years ago. Heavy stuff. To make it worse, in the grossest display of blatant emotional manipulation ever before seen on TV, want to guess what their date was? A freaking plane ride.

Really, ABC?! You have zero class.

Much to the dismay of the producers, who clearly set her up for a mid-air breakdown, Emily stayed cool as a cucumber.

The date continues in Santa Maria for a zip through wine country. Brad asks Emily pointed questions, which she deflects. At dinner, she finally tells him her sad story, after which they both relax and start getting along really well. Yes, Emily gets the rose.

The next day, Brad meets with his therapist, Jamie Greene, to seek some manswers. Emotions are running high. With 17 girls left, Brad has to axe three at the upcoming rose ceremony. He gets some QT with Chantal, but per usual, Michelle butts in and asks, "Am I interrupting? Can I steal you?"

Brad loves it.

He's riding high until Madison kills his buzz by telling Brad she might leave, because other girls (like Emily) deserve love more than she does.

Brad starts doling out the roses, and the camera keeps cutting back to Madison. Something is about to happen, but what?

Then Madison just bolts. Brad runs after her, and she admits that she wouldn't feel right taking a rose from another deserving broad. Madison packs her fangs and heads home. The Bachelor: Nice To Meet You, I'm Your Biggest Fang

In the end, Brad sends two blondes, Kimberly and Sarah P., packing.

All in all, it was a pretty lame episode. But next week one of the ladies is sporting a black eye. So, yeah. I'll be watching.