Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and editor. She's overshared about her sex life in Playgirl, Time Out New York, American Curves, New York Press, Nerve, and other publications. Feel free to stalk her on Twitter.
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A roundup of YourTango's best breakup advice.
By Steph Auteri — Written on Apr 16, 2018
Sometimes, love doesn't last. Sometimes, things just don't work out and you're stuck trying to learn how to get over a breakup. You may end up doing some pretty self-destructive things in the process. But luckily for you, we've put together the best tips and created a cheat sheet to handle the end of a relationship.
Here are our top ten pieces of breakup advice so you can finally move on.
1. Revel in your misery, but in a healthy way.
Wallowing in the wake of a breakup can cause a person to engage in unfortunate, self-destructive behavior: rebound sex, binge-drinking, a snack-food-aisle overload — all things that will only leave you feeling worse.
Instead of succumbing to that downward spiral, engage in some of these healthier activities. They'll make that post-breakup period fun, and may even get your mind off what just happened.
2. Or, indulge in some bad behavior.
Then again, if the cure to what ails you is breaking all the post-breakup rules, have we got the how-to post for you. Drink a lot, sleep with other guys, develop a shopping addiction, and more.
3. Turn to the best breakup-related resources.
When you're struggling with love, you can always turn to your friends, your family, your tissue box, and perhaps a bag of Hershey's Kisses. But there are several other pretty fantastic resources you can use, among them a breakup activity book, a list of best breakup songs, self-defense classes and... um... voodoo dolls.
4. Focus on yourself.
It's time to ease up on the smack talk and get real. Spare your friends the victim speech. In fact, stop being a victim. Instead, focus on living the best life possible: a life that can be sustained without him.
5. Put things into perspective.
As you're mourning your breakup, you may feel as if you're in the midst of the greatest tragedy that ever was. Putting things into perspective will help you move past them and learn how to get over a breakup.
For example, if he doesn't think you're right for each other, then he's not the right one for you. If things are ending, then something was broken. In the grand scheme of things, this will be but a blip in the story of your life. Something better is out there for you.
6. Rebuild your identity.
In relationships, we often adopt our partner's habits, hobbies and friends, which is why we can feel so unmoored upon breaking up. How do you rebuild a life after such a jarring change? How do you find who you were before the failed relationship, and how do you establish who you are now?
Turn to your support network and to spend some time with yourself. Get to know the real you all over again.
7. Think positive.
As painful as a breakup can be, you'll survive it. As our mothers often told us over the years when we were feeling particularly angsty, "This, too, shall pass." But we're hoping that you'll do more than just survive.
Set a time limit on all your wallowing, and then begin to move on. Consider how to ensure that your next relationship is better. Throw yourself into life again. Lean on others. And don't look back.
8. Don't prolong your misery.
We've tried staying friends. We've slept together one last time. We've continued seeing mutual friends, and have checked in to see what's up on Facebook. While some exes can evolve into friends, trying desperately to hang onto him and keeping in him your life will only make the healing process more impossible.
9. Remove him from your life.
There's no need for you to see that he hung out with Krissy the other night, or that he poked Tamara last week. Delete him from your phone, your Facebook account, your life, and watch the supportive electronic missives roll in.