Are your bags too heavy?


If you don't stop carrying all those bags, you will miss the bus!

“Bag lady you gone miss your bus,
You can’t hurry up,
Cause you got too much stuff,
When they see you comin,
They take off running,
From you, it’s true oh yes they do”

Erykah Badu Bag Lady

Are you wondering why you’re single, or just a booty call? Well let me help you out a bit, it could be all those bags you’re carrying around. You know what I’m talking about, the baby momma/daddy drama, the I have the Great Wall of China around my heart, the I can’t get over my ex or the I don’t want a relationship bags. Those are all excuses, because for the most part, we all want someone to call our own. Who wants to be alone when all your friends have mates or on Valentine’s Day or the holidays? Better yet what about when you just don’t want to be around friends and would rather just chill with your boo.

So how do you get rid of those bags? Well first off you have to want something different. If not and you’re happy being single, then more power to you. But for the rest of you, it’s almost like the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step program, where first step is acceptance. You have to accept that you have issues. Trust, you are not the only one. We all have them. When I first broke up with my ex 2 years ago, I went on a dating rampage, thinking it was a numbers game. I’d go out on 1 or 2 dates and find some fault with them. I wanted them to fit some cookie cutter ideal I had, and I was looking for someone different from my ex. But after a year and change of the constant dating, I got tired and realized the issue was with me, not them. I needed to find out what I wanted instead of being on this dating rollercoaster.

Ask God/Allah/Jehovah/Yahweh/Buddha for strength. This process isn’t going to be easy because it requires you to take a real hard look at yourself and the part you played in your previous relationships. As much as you want to blame them, it wasn’t entirely their fault. Whether you like it or not you allowed it and even needed all of it to happen. I know it sounds harsh, but there is a lesson in all of it. So now is the time to find out what it is, so you can fix it and move on.

Once you accept that you have issues you have 2 options, either work through and deal with them or leave them in the past. No one wants to hear the story of how your child’s father is a deadbeat, or how your child’s mother is a gold-digger. You knew that he was a deadbeat when you got him, so what does that make you? As far as the gold-digger, isn’t that why you “blinged” out your car, for some attention? Unfortunately you got the wrong kind and now you’re paying for it, in more ways then one. A leopard doesn’t change his/her spots. People show you who they are very early on, but sometimes we’re so mesmerized by their looks, accessories, or status that we ignore it.

Forgiveness is the key to moving on. You need to forgive your ex’s, your parents and yourself. All of you did the best you could, with what you were taught, what you picked up from your parents and other adults. Forgive yourself for not protecting yourself sexually, emotionally and in some cases physically. But it’s ok, that’s the past, no need to rehash it every day. No need to carry those bags with you and show them to everyone who will look and listen.

Why don’t you step out of your comfort zone? It’s easy to stop dating, be a booty call or have a wall up, because it doesn’t allow anyone in. But you’re worth more than cheap thrills and the sooner you realize that, the happier you will be.