Guiding Principles for Relationship


Generosity of heart over attachment

Do you know how sometimes you hear or read something and you just get the truth of it instantly? Well, this article is about those words I’ve heard that just struck me as true for me and that I could see instantly how they fit with what my spirit wants to express and to experience. I’ve compiled a list of short statements below that help to define an ideal relationship to me. Some of them are original thoughts as I’ve contemplated this list as it was growing over time and some of them I just heard and applied right away.

Every once in a while I’ve come across a statement that describes a way of being that fit into how I want my intimate relationship to look and feel. These are the kind of statements that don’t need much examination or research. I just got it instantly on a bone-deep level.
Upon reading the following I’d love to hear how they sit with you and if you have any comments or additions.

A compilation of relationship guiding principles
Companionship without cling
Friendship without manipulation
Friendship over form
Love without conditions
Affectionate touch without obligation
Humor without sarcasm
Listening without judgment
Answers without shadow
Service without expectation
Support not suppression
Solutions instead of complaints
Acceptance without guilt or manipulation
Generosity of heart over attachment

Of course, the qualities and principles listed above are what I aspire to give to my beloved and others. The deeper love that I feel the more I want to offer my deepest self, my most selfless self. The more I am moved to enhance the experience of another person the more I feel that my life and my contribution is worthwhile.

I find it a useful exercise to privately review this list every once in a while and honestly critique my own behavior and motivations. I ask myself the question: “Do I offer this?” and “Do I love this principle?”

I would also direct you, my reader, to a song by Alanis Morissette, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return”. In it she sings to a generosity of spirit and great love and of being whole unto oneself. She definitely “gets it” and she is one of my relationship heroines.

The author, Corey, is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach who teaches workshops and offers private coaching sessions in person and by phone. Subscribe to his blogs at and - Resources for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing emotional and sexual intimacy.