Party for One in Relationship Limbo

Love, Heartbreak

At a fork in the road in a brand new relationship & the sign reads: Make-up or Break-up?

One of my good girlfriends suggest that I write down my feelings as I try to examine my relationship with a new man. So goes nothing!

I've always wanted to be the cool girl. The girl that's never needed, zero drama, and has an amazing man to call her own. Instead, I find myself only able to put on a front and as a result I suffer alone with the consequences. It doesn't help that I think to much for my own good. So here's the latest brainbuster that plagues my mind whenever I find myself alone.

Why the hell is my boyfriend being distant from me suddenly?

As the story goes, I met a man. Fell head over heels for him after dating for two months. When he did, based on my experience, the unthinkable and asked me to be exclusive a.k.a. his girlfriend, I said yes even though I knew in my gut that I might not have been ready to commit. Sure I haven't been in a relationship since I was 19 with my first boyfriend of 6 months, but I've had my heartbroken by five different since then. 3 of the four were not looking for anything serious and bounced from woman to woman nightly, and the fourth just dissapeard off the face of the earth without any warning or with no answer to this day.

It's safe to say that I did not see this coming. There were no signs and I had no doubts in my mind that he cared about me... 2 months ago anyway. Within 2 weeks he went from being their occasionally to hours or evan a day going by with zero communication. Now, here is the catch, at the begining of this 2 week distance-thing begining, he had a close family member put in the hospital. After finally askign him why he was being indifferent he apologized and told me that is how he knew to handle things, that is how he coped. So, being the understanding person I am, I gave him all the space he needed and told him I would, but to please keep me in the loop. Well on to week 2, he had to go home short notice to see the family memeber in the hospital and over the course of the 12 days he was gone I only heard from him twice. Once telling me he made it, and the second tellign me happy thanksgiving. Nothing more.

Now that he has returned, I still am hearing nothing from this man and I am beyond hurt and confused. I attemtpted to make contact first and asked him what his plans were, only to recieve no answer in return because the day is pretty much over. i do no thanks to facebook, that he was with his friends today through his best friend's trifling new girlfriend, (I'll save her for another story).I am torn between calling or texting him to see what happened, if i did soemthing to make him loose interest, if he's met someone else, anything. It's metally and physiclly taking a toll on me. I didn't sign up for this crap. I was fine living my single life and of course I let one man come along and sweep me off my feet only to let me land on my ass.

God, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

I swear the more minutes that pass my the more my heart aches and the more I think of more senerios in my head. Pathetic I know, but I just don't know what to do at this point.

But at least I know this, writing sure did make me feel better. For now.