From the Mouths of Men


Do guys stare at the phone, waiting for a text? Do they gossip? Read and learn.

I’m fortunate enough to have a good number of “guyfriends.” They’re like girlfriends, but… well, they’re guys. So they put a whole different spin on conversation. We don’t talk about the latest nail polish colors or <yawn> the what can become when talking with women… tiresome topic of children; rather, we talk about the stock market, business ideas, or how their boat is running, the work they’re doing to it, and the next trip they’re gonna take on it.

Oh, and blow jobs. We talk about oral sex. I’m fine with this topic. Guys REALLY like a good blow job.

We also talk about women.

And “relationships.” (I use that term loosely).

I get to ask them about men and how their minds work. And, they give me the male counterpoint.

Best of all, unlike women, guyfriends do not offer up excuses. When talking about, say, my situation with X, they don’t try to rationalize or offer excuses for behavior.

Some of the guys I hang out with in my town are what I consider the penultimate bachelors. They are mid to late thirties, early forties. They’re nice guys, but might be considered players by some.

Yes, they’ve broken hearts.

So, dear female readers, I feel it my duty to share these tidbits with you, with the hope of unraveling the mystery we all share… men.

1. Guys gossip. They talk about girls, who hooked up, who is dating, who kissed. They talk about which of their friends various girls have dated in the past. They talk about if a girl is nice, or if she’s slutty, and why. They talk about why their friend Bob shouldn’t be dating Susie, why she’s a crazy bitch… you get the idea.

2. Guys don’t want to date a barfly. To this, I immediately said, “ohhhh noooo…” because I tend to go out quite a bit. They assured me I do not fall into the “barfly” category. Though, initially I wasn't convinced.

A “barfly” is a girl who has to be out in the social scene all the time, even when she’s in a relationship. She has to see and be seen, go to 10 different bars a night. She isn’t content sitting home watching a movie with her boyfriend on a Friday night. (Ok, I would totally be content staying in to watch a movie on a Friday night if I had a boyfriend.)

3. Guys watch their phones anticipating texts and phone calls - just like us!!! Can you believe it?? It’s true… my guyfriends admitted to doing this. They want to hear from us as much as we want to hear from them.

One guyfriend said that when he’s dating a girl, he’ll text her each morning to say “hi” or “good morning” - just to be sweet and let her know he’s thinking of her. If she doesn’t reply in reasonable amount of time, well, this is a red flag because clearly she doesn’t appreciate the effort.

4. Along the same lines of texting, the point was made that it only takes 30 seconds to send a text. No one is ever too busy to not text back… ever. It’s a poor excuse. If a guy is into a chick, he’ll text her. Or call her.

5. If a guy is into you, he wants to spend time with you. He will make an effort to see you. A guy who’s into you will never turn down the opportunity to have sex with you. Matter of fact, if you don’t make that same effort to want to see him, he will be “insulted,” or in a girl way of saying it… his feelings will be hurt.

Example: I was explaining to my guyfriends how I really would have been happy seeing X (X is a guy I've been "seeing", kinda) one night a week. One said that he would find that insulting and would show him that I wasn’t that into him. So, while my viewpoint was that I was giving space and not being up the guy’s ass, the guy sees it as the girl not being into him. (BTW, the one night thing was only b/c X has his child a majority of the nights - then my “one night a week” made sense to my guyfriend.)

6. Guys won’t waste time dating you just for the sake of “dating someone.” If after two or three months, they know it’s not a match, they’ll break it off. They don’t want to waste their time.

7. Guys like an independent woman, but not one that’s too independent. They don’t want a needy girl, but want to know they’re needed in some way.

8. Guys will not tolerate a girl who picks fights or nags at them. It’s been reiterated to me, on more than one occasion, NEVER EVER bitch at a guy. Especially in front of friends. But if you start to be a bitch, you’re gonna be an ex-bitch, fast. They don’t want to fight.

And really, who does?

9. Along those same lines, if you seem to have an issue with something, TALK to him about it. Don’t listen to what other people say in regard to said issue. Talk to HIM. Nicely. Maturely.

10. Friends of guys often play dirty. They break “guy code.” They steal their friends’ girlfriends in a time of weakness in a relationship, or will date ex’s very soon after a breakup.

Here’s how it works: guy breaks up with girl. Girl is like a wounded animal in the forest - friend of guy comes to her rescue, posing as a friend; a shoulder to cry on. Girl thinks this is acceptable, and probably a harmless friendship, because it’s her ex’s buddy, and he can probably give her insight to how she can fix what’s gone wrong in the relationship. The ex-boyfriend is unsuspecting, because of course, this is his buddy, and his buddy would never, ever break guy code.

In reality, the buddy is sabotaging the relationship - telling the girl to forget it, move on, etc. And there he is, ready to swoop in and be a shoulder for the damsel in distress.

So girls, if you think that buddy of your boyfriend or ex is your ally… he’s not. Go find a girlfriend's shoulder to cry on.

11. Guys have feelings too. They fall in love. Hard to believe, but it’s true.

A few of my guyfriends have opened up to me in the past week or so. One admitted that he’s “in love” with his ex, and was so disappointed when she decided to not come over one night. You could not only see it in his eyes, but he WANTED to TALK about it. What guy wants to TALK? I really enjoy conversations with this particular friend because he truly does have feelings, and is honest about them.

Another admitted that he cried… a lot… when he was initially going through his divorce. Never once, in my 12+ years with my ex, did I ever see him cry. Ever. My friend told me that is simply wrong. I had no idea… to me, it’s normal for men to be hard and stoic. I seriously believed men were created without tears/tear ducts.

Another example is that a friend told me X is sensitive, and does tend to get his feelings hurt. I would have never guessed. Nice to know that guys have feelings.