C’mon Ladies. Get a Wider Lens!

C’mon Ladies. Get a Wider Lens!

Don't forget to show love for men with a little meat on their bones. Top 5 Celebrity Crushes

Ah, all the choices. Let’s see, a prime suspect could be Avatar’s Sam Worthington. Being just weeks older than him, makes me think, “perfect camaraderie.” The quintessential Hot in a Box, Jake Sully gets a solid “maybe,” but let’s move on. Everybody’s past and present favorites could very well be the likes of Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kutcher. But, alas, when I think of these guys I just want to feed them some banana pancakes, a bowl of bacon and an extra large Orange Julius. After that, I think I’d want to grab at their waist and see if they fluff up like a pillow! Really, come on, we need to brainstorm a little more.  I get it, a few decades ago, I also would’ve had 21 reasons to jump Johnny Depp’s street, and Captain Jack Sparrow is a man after my own heart with his everlasting palate for rum, but all you ladies are picking men who are far too skinny.

I know, nothing makes a girl want to bite her fist in lust faster than a shirtless Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds (who are happy mediums), but let’s consider some men of the wider variety. Don’t get me wrong, there’s Shia, oh cutie pie Shia Lebouf. Let me elaborate. Cutie young thin mints like Shia are great for conversation but don’t exactly match the image of the headboard grappling type. With this one, I see myself having a few beers with and if I were to be propositioned by, I’d probably have to turn him down with a sexy kiss on his forehead and a gentle punch on the shoulder with a bright smile. These gestures would pretty much send the message, “You know I just don’t want you to get hurt, right?” (Besides, I’m not sure that I’ll ever get the idea of the boy from Even Stevens out of my head.) That being said, here’s my list of men who get to hit the light. Because I respect the thoughts, talents and personality of the men I sleep with in real life and in theory, please read my explanations. Ha!

1. Alex Rodriguez
Over fifteen years ago, I fell in love with a rookie named Alex. Baseball is my favorite sport and A-Rod is still the apple of my eye. The running joke in my house is that as soon as my husband gives me a reason to divorce him, Alex gets first dibs. We debate about just how I’m supposed to get him.
Frankly, I think that Kim Kardashian owes a debt to both me and her mom for having good taste, because, look.

What happens when you take this?

Age him a little.  Put a hat on him, and make him smile a little bigger?
You get this!

Kris Jenner mentioned before that Kim should go for Alex, and the girl ends up marrying his younger (basketball version) look-alike. You’re welcome, Kim.

2. Gerard Butler
If I’m going to drop good money on a slammin’ cocktail dress and pour a man whiskey, it’s going to be Scotch. Even though Liam Neeson is a great actor, my suspense hunk of choice goes to the Scottish guy with that perfect waist in the movie The Bounty Hunter. Aye! Jennifer Aniston, you still got his number don’t you? Oh yeah, 300 wasn’t too bad either.

3. Tito Ortiz
Man o’ man, if I had known about this guy in my early twenties, I would have totally changed my approach to spending time on Pacific Coast Highway. This UFC fighter also known as the Huntington Beach Bad Boy is the baby-daddy of twins with Jenna Jameson. If you want a guy that not only will be a hot looking date to the beach, but can also give you a piggy-back ride down the shore with one hand, Tito’s the man. Just imagine. He can reach in his wallet, buy you an ice cream and give it to you all while you’re still lifted on his back enjoying the pacific coast breeze. Does it get any better than that? C’mon Jenna. Sharing is caring. Break me off a piece of that.

4. Dwayne Johnson
All I’ve got to say is that Disney movies are not exactly chaste when they showcase The Rock. The sweet sexy smile with all that bravado is enough to make any thirty something woman hurt a little when the locker room scene is over. Nonetheless, Mr. Johnson, thank you very much for providing us much recorded viewing pleasure.

5. Tie for Adam Sandler and Ben Affleck
Both married men, I’d have to accept the affections of these men under the strict rule of the Hall Pass. Awesome comedians that make romantic comedy feel more authentic than many of us would like to admit, these two fit the perfect “fantasy date” profile. A date that is perfectly flirty yet playful, playful yet full of flirtation. The ultimate friend and lover date that all girls wish would happen at least once in their lifetime. All his advances are sweet but bold, humble but confident. This is the Ben date…the Adam date. I’d take great pleasure in a short make out for him being a great date, but I’d take even greater pleasure in shipping him right back off to his wife. That’s right, no sex. But the proposition would be duly noted.

What do you think of wider men?

With Love, J