In love with my Bestfriend/fwb


Hello, Im pretty sure that everyone has heard about the girl who falls in love with her best friend. I often look at other people situations to get a better understanding of my own. But i havn't seen anyone else situation that seems like mine. So i decided to post  my own for advice that i really need.

It started off as the first and biggest crush on a boy that i have ever had in the 7th grade ( and havn't til this day) i made the mistake and told some other girls that i like him and they for lack of a better word embarrassed me and him every chance they could.  He shyed away from me. 8th grade the kids still picked on me and him because (I)liked him but towards the end of the school year he asked me to go with him... I was the happiest girl in the world. We had fun. School ended. During the summer before highschool we sorta lost contact. When we did speak it was short and dry convos.

Highschool... We went to the same highschool. First day of highschool when i saw him he was acting really wierd and standoffish. After another week or so i had a friend break up with him for me. He went on to date a few other girls and fell in love with a girl in about 11th grade. I did the same i met someone who i was very much in love with . During this time lets call him Drake. Drake and i talked sporadically nothing major. I still had a huge crush though.

College - Yes you guessed it we went to College together too. Freshman year.Drake was still with the girl he fell in love with in highschool.. but she lived in the city about 30 mins away from our university (he didnt have a car). I was still with my boyfriend whom i fell for in highs school too who went away to school in another state very far. We were both for the first time spending time together alone and we bonded in my doorm and or his. After about a month or so a sexual tension began to build.  Some nights he would come over and we talk and laugh the entire night and then we would start to kiss and get " touchy"  this happend alot.. but like i said were BOTH still in realtionships. One night we got extremely close to doing it ( he was a virgin by the way but i wasnt) and he stopped and just left my doorm. We barely seen eachother for about 5-6 months. I would have done it. But i understood why we couldnt be around eachother that much i didnt press the issue. I just focused on doing right by my bf like i know he was too..

College -Sophomore year. I moved in the same building his doorm room was in. ( it was cheaper). Our relationships with our  significant others had begun to spiral downward. And because we could relate to eachother we were drawn together like magnents.. he always gave me advice i always gave him advice we were there for eachother. When we were lonely we would stay the night with eachother.. Talking and laughing. My break up i dealt with and it was hard. But his break up seem to really have a negative effect on him he couldnt focus in school  and was often depressed about his break up and had to leave after the first semester of sophomore year and moved back to the city. It was then we began talking on the phone almost Every night. He told me Everything and I told him Everything.  His break up happend becuase he fell in love with another girl ( they were bestfriends) and his girlfriend didnt like it at all of course. She gave Drake an ultimatum to stop talking to his bestfriend and be with her or not be with her (his girlfriend). He chose his girlfriend and told his bestfriend at the time he could no longer talk to her.. she was hurt and angry and didnt want to have much to do with him after that. Meanwhile his girlfriend was happy he stopped but never really could trust him again. And started to cheat and no longer gave much energy in their realtionship. He was devastated hurt and lost .. he lost his girl and his bestfriend. But he had me... I saw him cry i Saw and heard Everything he was going through. His family saw the change in him he was really down and depressed for a long time. But i was there for him we talked ALLL the time.  I knew i was all he had and since me and my x were no longer serious... He was all i had too.

He gave me his virginity, and sex became a thing we occasionally did... but with no strings because i knew what he was going through.... I started to fall for him deeply i saw how hurt he was and wanted so badly to take his pain away. But he often made it clear that we were just friends. I left idea of US alone and  kind of went back to my x for the summer ( just for some comfort) we stopped talking as much obviously. but me and Drake still from time to time had sex .... (We loved having sex with eachother) meanwhile He was still trying to pick up the pieces with his x ..

College- junior year  School was back in ...  My x was gone and it was clearer to me that it wasnt meant for us to be.. So Drake and i  began talking every night again and since he stayed just in the city i would go and see him just like we did sophmore year after he left  or