Difficult Emotions - Childhood into Adulthood

Difficult Emotions - Childhood into Adulthood
As we are growing up we rarely, if ever, are instructed on what "to do" with bad feelings, negative emotional responses or anger.<!--break-->

What may have worked for an individual as a young child in dealing
with these issues get’s carried into adulthood. For example, throwing a
temper tantrum
because a child does not get their way may have resulted in the child
getting ATTENTION (be it positive or negative), may have resulted with
the caregiver /parent “giving in” to quiet down the situation.<!--break-->

When this is attention seeking
behavior, any attention (yes, including negative attention) is the
reward. Once an individual identifies a certain behavior will elicit
reward, that becomes a set pattern and will be repeated endlessly.<!--break-->

Additionally, when throwing a tantrum resulted in the individual
receiving a desired outcome, this also becomes a cause and effect or
experienced as a way to get what one needs. This will most likely be
played out repeatedly.<!--break-->

A two-fold situation is set in place; the child or individual has
learned that bad behavior equals good. The good being; attention or
getting one’s own way for example.
The other situation is that it is OK to manipulate others to get what you want.<!--break-->

This is not a piece focusing on child rearing “right or wrongs” this first part is setting the stage to see how the latter part has become problematic.<!--break-->

Moving ahead several years -<!--break-->

An adult throwing a temper tantrum? Yes! It may not look like
kicking and screaming while laying on the floor – yet it is something
that the individual continues to do in a different variation; Sulking,
angry outbursts, slamming doors, making threats, holding grudges, etc.<!--break-->

Learning and updating new coping skills to deal with; disappointment,
frustration, anger, hurt feelings is extremely important for each
individuals well being and their relationships.<!--break-->

Ashley Bretting, M.S. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Lic# MFC48978 Specializing in Domestic Violence, abuse, anxiety/ depression, self esteem, life transitions and more. Affordable support groups and individual therapy – Ventura County, CA 805-204-7315 <!--break-->

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