By adster — Written on Jul 30, 2010
I started a new blog recently, though I've come to realise there's things about me I don't want to make TOO public on a blog that could be seen by just anybody, so with my need to talk so openly, I thought I'd come to a place that would be a little more appropriate.
So, if any of you can see my profile, tomorrow is my Birthday and with that, I'll be one year older and still a virgin. I'll be 27 years old, and to date I've had no serious relationships, no girlfriend, no one-nighters and no intimate relationships.
By far this is the one thing that preys on my mind, the one thing that above all else I feel burdened by. It's not just the virginity, but the whole thing that eludes me. You could say that I was a late bloomer, very introverted during my teens and early twenties, so in a way it was my nature to be shy back then. But now only 3 years shy of 30, it feels like this is getting to be a problem.
I know that I shouldn't place too much stock on what modern culture has inflated out of control, being a virgin still isn't a social stigma, but for me, an introvert with some issues of self esteem, it's getting real awkward.
As I get older (-ish) my lack of real courtship experience is starting to get in the way. Customs, signs, flirtations and the subtle intricacies of progressing romance feels like it's slipping further and further out of my grasp. I have a lot of friends out there who don't have the same problems as I do, and their suggestions would be something akin to "hey, it's easy to get laid if you go for the drunk one".
Wow, it's that easy huh? For people who are outspoken, the life of the party, and are lightweights when it comes to booze like my friends, yeah sure it's easy!
I don't feel bad that I was always a quiet one, happy to sit down with a drink and talk with people instead of going crazy on the dance floor, it just means I never went crazy in my teens.
And because of that, I can't do what they suggest, just go sleep with someone because I can. I skipped past all of the acting like a fool (in a good way) and went straight into wanting a relationship.
So now that you know the "why" and the "when", I need to know the "how".
How do I get past this, how do I move forward and how do I help myself?
Another year of quiet solitude just seems a little unbearable right now.