FDA Says Coffee Not An Aphrodisiac

flirty office couple drinking coffee and juice

It looks like Magic Power Coffee might not be the best for you.

Straight from the No-Doy files comes a bombshell from the FDA. The Food And Drug Administration has declared that coffee is not an aphrodisiac, according to Time. While the FDA has Winnie the pooh-poohed the idea of aphrodisiacs for years, this time around they're saying that Magic Power Coffee may actually be a touch dangerous. The Secret, Most Powerful Aphrodisiac

The herbal mixture, Magic Power Coffee (God, I hope Rob Riggle is their spokesman) could possibly cause possibly dangerous blood pressure drops. Frankly, their marketing crew should have rethought the entire operation. No one I know think "sexy" when they think about coffee. Most of us think jitteriness, stained teeth and epically upset stomachs when we think of coffee drinkers. Sure perpetually on-edge can be fun and there is a very select group of people who appreciate watery bowels but no one likes yucky chompers (in fact Yahoo! has a story about a man who got jacked by a hooker after he got turned off by her grill, yep it was in Florida).  Is Pork The New Viagra?

In the future, the FDA will in all likelihood tell anyone who will listen that aphrodisiacs aren't real but you can win the hearts and minds of the purchasing public by creating a product that actually sounds sexy. Although, given that people believe oysters are aphrodisiacs makes me think that you have to gross it up for people to believe. Like when you tell a very unlikely story, you always have to throw in something unflattering about yourself so people believe it. Like that time I hooked up with three super models but only met them because I peed my pants and had to buy a new pair at Gap. No Such Thing As An Aphrodisiac? Nonsense.

In summary, be careful with aphrodisiac claims and consult a doctor before combining medications. Also, if you have a product that's supposed to turn people on, please don't make it something very unsexy like boogers that increase lubrication.

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