I'm Just Not That Into You

Note: Don't forget to follow my personal blog, So about what I said...

I did it. I finally caved and gave in to the pop culture pressure of that ubiquitous book, He's Just Not That Into You. When I first bought it, I was SURE the author had me in mind when he came up with the title.

Why? Because I AM that girl. I am the girl who is sure, BEYOND A DOUBT, that the guy is madly in love with her. Never mind the signs - he doesn't look me in the eyes, he doesn't even know I exist, he has a girlfriend, he never chases me, he doesn't talk much, he has a girlfriend. Those aren't signs, I think. They're just pesky obstacles on my way to my very own Happily Ever After.

But we women aren't the only ones who need a relationship guide like that. I thought I'd share the wealth and give the men a little lesson in the idea that possibly, maybe, just maybe there's, oh, I don't know, a slight chance that WE'RE not that interested in THEM. The door swings both ways, boys, so listen up!

1. We're just not that into you if we don't act like a giggly dork around you at first.
The really special boys unhinge us, so if you've got that moxy, you'll know it by the way we act. Think a got-it-together, doesn't-care-about-you girl totally wants you? Wrong. She actually just doesn't care about you. At all.

2. We're just not that into you if we're mentally (and/or verbally) comparing you to our ex -- or George Clooney.
You're messier than our ex. You talk with your mouth open when you eat. You're not nearly as romantic (a night of bar-hopping on our birthday?). You're just....NOT HIM. Need I go on? And frankly, you never will be, so why would we want to waste our time with you? Think of it as our way of gently letting you down easy. You’ll thank us later. Trust me.

3. We're just not that into you if we don't make the first move.
Trust me, when we see something we want, we go for it. Have you ever seen a group of women pounce on a sale at Macy's or, in my case, a juicy bacon cheeseburger? We're all over it. It's a fight to the finish. So if you're the one we want, we'll pounce on you. Don't worry.

4. We're just not that into you if you are a bit too eager.
Eagerness can scream desperation sometimes, and desperation is on par with cheating. It's never an attractive quality. You'd be better off to play it cool. That's when we'll pounce to get your attention.

5. We're just not that into you if we don't call you.
The phrase, "Don't Call Us. We'll call you" is our way of saying, "Well, actually, we probably won't call you. We just wanted to let you down easy and not hurt your feelings too much." And since we KNOW too much eagerness is never an attractive quality, we'll wait maybe a little longer than the three-day rule. You know, inject some anticipation into the whole thing.

6. We're just not that into you if we don't scratch beyond the superficial in conversations.
Sorry to the pretty boys, but sometimes a good piece of man candy is just that - a nice piece of man candy. If we don't see the relationship really going anywhere, we're not going to invest the time to 'get deep' with you. We're not going to tell you our life story. But if you're that special one, the spilling of emotions will come naturally, so be prepared. My apologies to all the pretty boys who are capable of holding long conversations; it must be rough being judged solely on your good looks all the time.

7. We're just not that into you if we like your best friend.
The guy is super hot. You're his best friend, so we see you as an 'in,' a way to get to our objective. And FYI, we'll probably play the friend card (as in "I just think of you as a friend,") when we break things off with you - most likely as we're driving off with your BFF (well, maybe former BFF now) on the back of his motocycle.

8. We're just not that into you if your reputation precedes you.
We love to play telephone tag, and chances are, we've already background-checked you with our friends. So if you're known for being a playboy (think of Justin Bobby from The Hills), a loser, a conceited jerk or just a plain old jerk, there's no use in trying to hide it. We're the best detectives around. We'll find out anyway.

9. We're just not that into you if we've just gotten out of a relationship.
Sorry, dude. There had to be a rebound guy. You could be the greatest love of our lives, but for now, you're just a rebound fling. But kudos to you for serving as a warm placeholder. Let's not pretend it's anything more than it is, OK? No sense in both of us feeling sad, pathetic and dejected.

10. We're just not that into you if we don't tell our friends and family about you.
We women, obviously, love to chat about, who else, ourselves. So if we seem to leave you out of the precious equation, we probably don't see a solid future with you. If we did, we'd be shouting it from the rooftops and dreaming up wedding gowns and pretty engagement rings. If you're important to us, trust me, you'll know! And so will everyone else!!