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I loved him-I love him not


I am 43yrs.old. My husband is 58. We have been married for 14yrs. We have grown children from previous marriages. He is retired. I work 30hrs. a week at 8.75 hr. He pays all the bills except for my credit cards and I pay for my kids birthdays and holidays. He does nothing for my kids and never has. He is rude to my kids to the point that they will not come over to visit.I think it has to do with the fact that my grandkids are bi-racial. He grew up with a family that was prejudice against black people. He says he ain't prejudice but, maybe it could be that my family is poor and his family his well to do. He looks down apon my family for some reason. When our problems  started getting bad ..I suggested marriage counseling. He refuses to go,even to this day.He recently inheirted land and alot of money (over 300,000), and his parents house. I know I cannot touch any of this. That is Louisiana law. EVERYTHING is in his name (except for my car). The house we live in he owned before we got married. So I'm not out to make any money on this divorce. The problem is I want a divorce but, I can't afford to get a place to live. I don't have the money for rent,utilites,phone,car note(400 a month),insurance on car,necessities,food,gas for car, you name it -in everyday living. It would cost me a fortune just to put deposits down on utilites being turned on and the phone etc. I have asked him to help me move out but, he won't. He would rather argue with me day in and day out. We don't have sex together anymore either.He wants to have sex with me but, like I have told him over and over ...I don't want to be with you or have sex with you either. What can I do. My job that I have has no set hours so it would be hard for me to get a second job. Sometimes I get off of work at 1,2,3, or even 5  at night. What can I do? I can't live with my kids -they live in goverment housing and I  wouldn't want to anyway. I looked up for assistance in low income divorces and they told me that they could not help me if it would be a contested divorce which I'm sure it would be. HE's already throwing a fit about the fact that I would get half his  retirement. With all the money that he has you would think that wouldnt' bother him. 14yrs of being faithful and there for him ..even putting my kids aside for this jerk and he can't help me get a place. Help. 


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