I feel very unfairly treated

I feel very unfairly treated

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am still devastated, trying to understand what happened to my boyfriend. I met him in June at a party (he was the brother of a close friend of mine); a month later we met I had to depart for 3 months abroad for professional reasons, but we developed a very close relationship during the month we dated, he introduced me to his parents, we spent a lot of time together and he expressed his desire to wait for this time and even he said we would meet before my return for two weeks on holiday. He talked about future, family...and that he loved me. During the three months I was away he phoned me three times a week and we dialogued via email daily like a normal couple. During all these months, he was always loving and caring. I fully trusted him.

Two weeks before our meeting (two months and a half later) he asked me to book a flight to meet up for a holiday (just about the end of my stay abroad). A week before meeting him, he phoned saying that he did not wish to meet up, that he had been deluding himself (two days before this call, he was saying how much he missed me and was longing to be together). I was shocked and devastated at such a sudden and unexpected reaction, I could not understand what had so suddenly happened to him, I was left with a ticket to be thrown away, without much explanations, he never came after my return to apologies or give me a proper explanation; instead he basically said 'it was unfortunate that I had to leave when I did, still that's life'. It was not only abandoned in such an unacceptable and insensitive way, but his words reveal I was the one to be blamed if the relationship did not survive as I was the one who initially left (Now he has left me with this feeling that I should have never left, even if that meant to sacrifice a professional achievement). I have been trying to understand what had truly happened, but I cannot reach a logical explanation; his brother never helped me to understand what had really happened, after my return he never mentioned anything regarding his brother and me, his attitude was like his brother and I would have never met. I asked him for an explanation, but he was rather defensive, and he said he did not know anything, (but I know they are close). I would sincerely appreciate if you can shed some clarity and objectivity on this, as I feel very unfairly treated and deeply saddened to move on in peace; it is beyond my rational understanding what really happened to my boyfriend in such a sudden way. Many thanks for your attention and time.

Dear Reader:

I'm so sorry this happened to you -- I know how disturbing it can be, to be cut off without a word like that. However, you need to consider this a benefit -- you have been saved from being committed to a selfish, inconsiderate and uncommunicative partner.

Your relationship never really had a chance, because it progressed too fast to develop an infrastructure"-- the trust, teamwork and basic necessities for building a relationship. In the future, you can avoid being so hurt by going much slower, taking enough time to find out if your prospective partner is trustworthy. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will help you avoid falling into this trap again.

Please don't waste any more time trying to get answers from this man and his brother. There are no truthful answers you can get. Either he got cold feet, he didn't mean what you thought, or he's met someone else. The answer you have gotten is that he's not a good candidate for a commitment -- with you or anyone else.

Accept it, grieve, "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again" and move on --  next time, more cautiously, and you'll be more successful.