Ladies, Mind Your "Marital Aids"

embarrassing stories

A woman in Germany was embarrassed to find that her "intruder" was a sex toy.

A piece of advice, ladies: remember where you put your vibrators. According to Yahoo! News, a German woman called the police to her home because there was an unknown buzzing emanating from somewhere within her home. You know what happens next: the police arrive, possibly in Blitzkrieg fashion, search her home and find the source of the disturbance: her light saber. Ja, Johan Law found her vibrator. The woman, mortified despite the German penchant for kinkiness, bid the police "auf wiedersehen" after insisting that she had no idea what the device was or how it got there, but telling them to leave it behind nonetheless. Read: What Do Men Think About Vibrators?

The lesson, as always, is that if something is rattling around and you're not 100% sure what it is, it's probably a vibrator. Your options: tear your home apart until you find that vibe or just hope that the batteries die. Periodically, a bird or other pest will have infiltrated your home and become stuck in a shoebox filled with peanut butter. Very rarely is it a tiny burglar trapped behind the radiator. That being said, it's usually a good idea to call a landlord or a pest control expert rather than the po-po. Read: How To Use A Toy With Your Man

Outside of causing periodic embarrassment ("No Mom, that's not really a tube of lipstick. I will get a boyfriend, I'm just busy. No my ovaries aren't going to dry up. Yes, I want you to have grandchildren before you die."), is there anything else potentially negative about the sexual aid? Back in the late 19th century, a device similar to the vibrator was used to treat various "women's problems" like "hysteria" and "congestation of the genitalia" (and, one would guess, "the vapors," "uppitiness" and "brain clouds"). And the resident coquette at Fox News, Yvonne K. Fullbright, wants you to know that using a vibrator is OK provided that you don't become dependent upon it, lest your lady business become too accustomed to a specific, intense stimulus. Read: Female Masturbation. Man's Ultimate Fantasy?

Any other hilarious vibe stories out there?