Wonderbra For Men's Pants Is A Bad Idea


Male enhancement is now available in his underwear drawer.

You know how men, by and large, really like large, firm breasts? And really like the intersection of those high, round breasts (AKA cleavage)? Yep, so do the manufacturers of fine ladies' brassieres. The Wonderbra came to prominence in the 1990s, and introduced us to the paradox of how something could simultaneously lift and separate while also smushing boobies together. Since that time, men—upwards of dozens of us—have wanted to get in on the act, too. Read: Scientific Study Finds Men Like Looking At Breasts

That's right. Men—upwards of dozens of us—thought it only fair that someone, Fruit Of The Loom perhaps, create underdrawers that would enhance a fella's bulge. Finally, according to Reuters, these prayers have been answered. The UK department store Debenhams now sells a high-priced pair of briefs guaranteed to make a guy's package look more impressive…from the outside. Obviously, things have a chance of going sideways when those underpants are removed and the man's actual dingus is laid bare. In fact, a representative of Debenhams says, "we can't be held responsible for what happens once the pants come off." Read: Wait. Size Matters, After All?

Evidently, jamming a sock down one's pants, like our fathers did, and like their fathers did before them, just isn't cutting it any more. The modern man concerned with his bulge wants something more realistic than a baseball cup tucked into an athletic supporter. Essentially, Avatar and its special effects have had a much further reach than the world of digital entertainment. Read: 3 Ways To "Size" A Man Up

Obviously, all the smoke and mirrors in the world can't hide the truth once those jockeys hit the floor, but most women would probably just finish the job at that point, and then cut their losses. Read: Does Size Matter? And Other Sex Myths

Still. I understand that 40% of our economy* is based on male insecurity regarding either their flaccid or rigid genitalia, but let's please draw the line at the shadow game of crotch-enlarging clothing. Read: Cialis OK To Take Everyday: FDA

*Note: Another 40% of the economy is based on conning women into believing they're too plain or overweight. And the remaining 20% has something to do with keeping our children entertained and overweight.