Megan Fox Needs A Hug & Self-Esteem

megan fox
Buzz, Self

Megan Fox was a total downer at the Golden Globes. Is Brian Austin Green to blame?

Anyone catch Megan Fox's interview with Ryan Seacrest during the Golden Globes and not have half of your heart break? I don't have the time to find it so I'll go from memory.

1)    She compared herself to Alan Alda.

2)    She referred to herself as a "tranny."

3)    She was both embarrassed AND nervous.

4)    She digs Salma Hayek's boobs.

5)    Brian Austin Green somehow had something better to do than attend the awards. 

In order, I think a comparison to Alan Alda can best be described as "meh" or a naked attempt to fish for a compliment.

Unless she was referring to a car transmission, I think the preferred term is shemale (or maybe it's transvestite). I've seen a handful men dressed as women and most of them got one of several qualities that she don't got: big hands, broad shoulders, an Adam's Apple and/ or a dangle down. If she is a transmission, then she's the Sistine Chapel of transmissions. Is she really trying to elicit a compliment?

It's OK to be nervous. And it's OK to be embarrassed. People probably are judging you. That's what people in the entertainment industry do, they judge, pick nits, find flaws and generally figure out a way to make themselves feel better at your expense. In essence, everyone in Hollyweird is Mystery and The Game is in full effect at all times. Sounds like she wanted someone to say, "Oh, you're great, don't be nervous."

It's true, Salma Hayek does have a nice chest. Exposing said wonderful chest in the Banderas classic Desperado propelled her career (yikes, when did this turn into Mr. Skin's blog?). And if her (Hayek's) turn on 30 Rock was any indication, she loves and respects the magic in those sweater puppies too. Golden globes, indeed (beeeeeeew, that's a pun point). I think omeone was supposed to say, "Oh, Megan Fox, your breasts are lovely too."

Let this not sound like I guzzled a 40-ouncer of Hatorade, but Brian Austin Green seriously wasn't down with being her "Plus One" for the Globes? Granted, stodgy parties and foreign press-tinged awards shows are sometimes a major downer. But be a buddy, be a pal, don't make your mildly good-looking girlf (or is he her fiance?*) fly solo to a huge awards show. Can someone please be nice to Megan Fox?

I'm beginning to think that Megan Fox's confidence issues stem from Brian Austin Green. I hope I'm wildly off-base. Don't get me wrong, I think BAG is great, his turn as David Silver on 90210 inspired me to make the jump from dork to less-of-a-dork in high school (though none of my old friends had to die from an accidental gunshot wound and I never bought a single Cross Colours shirt) and he's about the only redeeming thing about The Sarah Connor Chronicles. And I'm pretty much in awe of his ability to land and hold onto a lady like Megan Fox, but WTF, man? Dude, just go to the Globes, sometimes you gotta ride shotgun and read the GPS on the road trip of life. I'm a regular, insanely jealous, normal, possessive dude but you'd think that someone who'd been through all of the rigors of show beeswax would be a little more supportive, right?

A sage-like older brother figure to me once said gave me a good piece of advice, "No matter how hot she is, no matter how cool she seems, no matter how much you dig her, there's some guy out there that's sick of her sh*t." Maybe this is the case with Megan Fox and BAG. Maybe she's a hot, translucent messy mess behind closed doors. Maybe he honestly just hates awards shows. But this relationship of their's isn't gonna make it without a spot of reassuring words and unconditional support.

We do know that it's hard to make it in Hollyweird unless you can at least fake it some amount of confidence. Maybe everyone needs to give young Megan Fox a break, alright? Just get offer her back, OK? Is it really that big of deal that she has all of those tats? Sure, sometimes overdoing it with the ink is mildly distasteful and a recipe for regret, but she's a comely girl, ya'll.

If she weren't lovely inside and out, would the discriminating tastes over at AskMen have rated her the second hottest broad of 2009? Yeah, deal with AskMen, haters. They know how to tell if a gal is hot or not, OK?

Do you think Megan Fox needs an attitude adjustment? I think she could use a hug, and not one of those creepy frotteur hugs or one the back-patting hug designed to check which side her bra clasp is on. But a real, "you're OK in my book, Megan Fox" hugs. Dammit, Seacrest should tried to help her get her groove back.

*I prefer it without the accent mark, as in rhymes with séance.

Photos: Splash (She does resemble an alien, a bit.)