Getting Ladies The Gerard Butler Way

gerard butler

Gerard Butler of 300 and Rocknrolla is an awesome guy, OK?

OK, first and foremost, Gerard Butler rocks and if you don't think so you can get a life. Seriously, get a life because Gerard Butler rocks, OK? Secondly, did you see 300? Sure, it was all CG-y and sort of made an uncomfortable political allegory, but Gerard Butler was awesome in it. He was all ab-ed up and in no mood for guff from neither the Greeks nor the Persians.

And since that bit of cinema slammed its waxed torsos into theaters, Gerard Butler has been totally unable to do wrong. He has the looks and the Scottish brogue. Does any other nationality even have a brogue? At this point, he could almost dog fight. So, what do you do when you’re The Man?

First, you establish that you're sensitive by doing a weepy. In this case, he teamed up with Hilary Swank on PS I Love You. I did not see PS I Love You, I value my dignity to some degree and it looked too sad.  Step 2, make sure that they know you love kids. Gerard Butler* teamed up with Abigail Breslin (I'm almost positive it wasn't Dakota Fanning) and Jodie Foster in Nim's Island (Ebert liked it, Roeper thought it was too preachy). And finally, get back to your badass roots. Gerard Butler got together with the embattled Guy Ritchie and created a little piece of London gangsterdom called RocknRolla. Was it the UK's The Departed? Nah, brah, but who gives a doodle? (If you do, you should, honestly, think about getting a life.)

After you've let the ladies know that you are a badass, sensitive (if melodramatic), into kids (if maudlin) and, once and for all, a badass, you're in like Flynn. Good times. And then it's just a matter of having your people set up a date with whomever you please and watching the sparks fly. But Celebitchy says that it ain't even like that, yo.

Apparently, the Scotsman doesn't have enough hours in the day to enjoy all of these affairs that are alleged. He says that he'll catch a dinner with, say, Jennifer Aniston and, the next thing you know, they're an item. Which he thinks unfair and bullsh*t. The downside of fame, I suppose. Also, it looks like Paris Hilton has a love jones for the good King Leonidas, even referring him to her Braveheart (a reference to the Mel Gibson film The Patriot, we assume).

But this heid bummer don't kiss and tell, guy. He keeps 'em close to the vest and, while we deplore this trait in someone who is actually dating, it's awesome in a guy who's just enjoying the scenery. Maybe this is why it’s better to get super famous later in life, Colin Farrell, and a model of how a man should go about his business (and his pleasure… "my pleasure in other people's leisure"). In short, I love Gerard Butler... and I'd like all of you to love him too. And if you don't, you should seriously consider getting a life.

Which starlet do you think is weirdest for Gerard Butler to be linked to: Cheryl Burke, Cameron Diaz, Paris Hilton, Naomi Campbell or Shanna Moakler? For my money, Shanna Moakler seems like the least likely match. Thoughts?

PS: Check out Who's Dated Who's Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton app. I'm pretty sure that each and every one of us is only like 1 or 2 steps removed from this list. And we wonder how STDs spread.

Photos: Splash