Using Scrubs To Interpret The Kidney Divorce


Dr. Richard Batista's situation explained through the sitcom Scrubs.

My home girl,Melissa Noble, wrote earlier about the who, what, when, where and how of the Dr. Richard Batista kidney case. Yeah, he and Dawnell Batista have been working a divorce since July 2005 and he wants the kidney he gave her back in 2001. And since the government frowns upon involuntary organ harvesting, he'll take $1.5 million instead.

With that as prologue, here's what I think went down and this is based on nothing more than watching Scrubs. In this scenario, Dr. Batista is like Turk, a surgeon who doesn't like losing and has the ego of a matador. Dawnell Batista is a cross between Carla and Eliot (weird first names, et al), a jejune nurse who could rip the head off of a sadistic janitor if cornered. They met while she was training to be a nurse and he was a full-fledged, grown-up doctor. She obviously thought that he was a real cool dude. He thought she was mad, hot ballroom. Sparks flew, vows were made, kids were hatched; times were good. At some point, a Dr. Cox probably warned him that this was a mistake but he chose to go his own way (you can go your own way).

She got all sort of sick and he gave her a half his natural allotment of kidneys. Then he went back to his regular routine at Sacred Heart Hospital Nassau University Medical Center, you know surgery, shenanigans, bromance with Dr. John Dorian (Zach Braff), you know, the usual. 

But sometimes even the most chipper JDs or Turks morph into Dr. Bob Kelsos. Dr. Kelso, while a competent administrator and occasionally compassionate, is nonetheless not someone anyone woman wants to be married to. And maybe even the most conscious and loving Carla / Eliot can turn into a Jordan Sullivan when neglected long enough. 

??So, now 2 formerly in love people are basically just roommates with only a kidney genetically in common (the kids are a stand in for the stuffed dog Rowdy). So, what's Dawnell to do but (allegedly) go out and finds some The Todd, who, though attentive is not the right woman for any woman. 

And old Kelso just wants his kidney back. And since even the most reckless surgeon won't take a kidney from a person with 1 kidney and place it in a person with an already functioning kidney, he's asking for in $1 million and $2 million. And in all honesty, he really just wants things to go back to the time he remembered. Before the kidney transplant, before the isolation and before Garden State. And he just want someone to take him seriously, like before The Last Kiss. While he's got the same chance of winning this suit as Larry Flynt has of getting a porn bailout, it would be nice if someone, somewhere could remember that he gave up a kidney and tried pretty hard. Hopefully, for his sake, Batista doesn't become synonymous with Janitor.