My Old Blog, A History Of Crazy

My old blog, a history of crazy

style="line-height: normal;">Subject : just thoughts

Posted Date: : Jul 8, 2009 3:35 AM

I started reading someones blog and it
makes me want to keep one up.  I want to
take videos and post them on the internet, most likely facebook, just for the
hell of it.  I think it will make me look

Facebook is the lone source of my
validation these days.  If you write on
my wall, you make me feel so special like a princess at the prom.  How faggy is that?

I would go gay for dougie howser aka barney
on how i met your mother.  yeah, thats
kinda weird.

Blogs are a chronical of thoughts, 10 years
from now I can look back and see what stupid ideas i had. 

If you want her to like you, tease her like
you're in fifth grade.  Don't look needy,
don't look weak.  She doesn't want a
little bitch. 

I want to make wild and crazy declarations
of affection, just to see if they reciprocate it. 

As strong as i consider myself to be
emotionally, being alone for this long can get to anyone. 

I go to the gym just so that when she sees
me, for a second, she says to herself "damn."

The next year is a complete mystery to
me.  I'm going to mortars leaders course
and i want to kick its ass.  then, bide
my time and take classes.  setting
yourself up for success is much more difficult when the marine corps gets

I look to the future so much that i don't
enjoy today.  theres nothing to enjoy
over here anyway.  It makes me long for
the past, because i know what i had and it makes me feel safe.

I don't know if i want to pursue this
girl.  Shes from the past and nothing has
happend between us.  ever.  yet.  I
think i might be holding myself back just by thinking about her.  she is impossible at this point.  I think thats why i like her.

I can think of 3 chicks i could nail the
second i get home.  Like, with no effort
what so ever.  its quick and easy.  I'm sick of those chicks. 

I'm finally starting to respect
myself.  Fuck you dad (LOL)

I spent most of that last 4 months
psycho-analysing the way I think about everything.  I mean everything.  I'm pretty sure I can rationalize my way out
of depression or any other mood disorder I have.  I also think

I'm finally starting to understand me. 

I can't see any reason to get married,
ever.  It just isn't something I'm
interested in.  I need to find a woman
that wants to have kids but doesn't need a ring and a dress.  Just be together, marriage is a joke. 

I intend to update this blog as much as
possible.  So I will see you again next

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Subject : 25th annual state of the awesome

Posted Date: : Aug 9, 2008 6:25 PM

Next week, I will be a quarter-century
old.  Holy shit!  The most prevelent thing in my life right now
is work.  I've spent the majority of the
last 7 years playing marine and living that life style.  The longer I stay, the less I want to be
there.  My current goal, in a long line
of previous ridiculious goals, is to produce and record music.  I either want to be an engineer at a radio
station or open my own studio some day. 
I used to want to be a DJ, movie writer, music video director, lawyer,
doctor, fire fighter, paramedic or tank driver. 
Perhaps my line of work is preventing me from achieveing and persuing
these goals.  No shit. 

I've been terminally single for the last
few months, and I'm mostly cool with that. 
I've dated around a bit and met some cool girls but nothing ever seems
to stick.  I might be too picky, or the
girls I meet really are all insane.  That
one is still up in the air. 
Unforutnately, again, everything comes back to the ridiculous amount of
time I spend at work and my complete lack of a life and free time. 

On this anniversery of the day awesomeness
began, I declare that things could be worse and they could be better.  I'm earning a living in southern california
and occasionally get to do what I actually want.  I'm still doing this school thing, which is a
giant pain in my ass, but what the hell? 
Eventually I will look back on this, kick myself in the balls and say,
"man, what was I thinking?  I'm glad
that shit is in the past."

To all my friends around the world, I miss
those of you I haven't seen in a while and hope the best to all.  Happy awesome day to you and yours, but
mostly me. 

I love all of you,


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