He Hit His Ex: Dealbreaker?

He Hit His Ex
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Love, Family

That said, not every woman could handle dating a former abuser. Some abusers probably don't change too much, even if they say they have. A woman should be very, very careful about choosing to be with one—a woman who is passive and non-confrontational probably is not the best candidate to date someone with a history of controlling behavior. She'd also have to be willing to drop everything if he behaves abusively again and for a variety of reasons (kids, money, etc.), not every woman does that or can do that. Obviously, I believe men shouldn't be abusive. But I also believe forewarned is forewarned.

As for fears that his girlfriend will dump him, I think people are willing to forgive a lot of what has happened in the past. I once dated a man who told me, six months into the relationship, that he had been arrested twice before (for silly, minor offenses). I was able to laugh off the criminal record because I was more annoyed that he hadn't told me sooner. All that time, I felt like I hadn't really known him!

Tennis' advice, in case you're wondering, was to propose that Ex-Abuser explain in detail his past behavior, how his behavior has changed from therapy, and what actions he takes every single day to ensure his new behavior sticks. "People can believe you or not believe you. That's their choice," Tennis wrote. "Now, you can't blame people if they're just not interested."

But I think if Ex-Abuser's girlfriend is anything like me, she'll be freaked out for a couple of days. Maybe longer than a couple of days. But I hope she won't dump him and that they will have a healthy relationship together. If not, what the hell's the point in trying to reform abusers?

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Written by Jessica Wakeman for The Frisky.

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