A psychologist compares monogamy to incest while still making a case for "real love."
If you're on the fence as to whether or not you believe men enjoy monogamy than please, please, please read no further. If you'd like to continue on an idyllic thought path that married, monogamous sex remains hot after years of marriage then we suggest you shut your browser and watch The View. Monogamy Is Good, And It's Here To Stay
Psychologist and author, Christopher Ryan is what we could call a true believer that monogamy doesn't make biological sense. At one point on his blog for PsychologyToday.com he compares married couples to siblings and alludes to their sex as a form of incest. We don't really follow, but most married couples live together, so we guess that's sort of sibling-like, no?
(As scholarly as he may be, Ryan is unmarried but lives with his writing partner. So this may be a classic case of analyze the analyzer.)
He goes on to reference psychological studies and theories that back up the idea that men are so wired for variety that there isn't much us ladies can do, say, wear wigs or change outfits about. Rather it is a way of mixing up the gene pool, he says. Without men and their constant skirt-chasing and desire for new flesh we'd all live in an inbred society.
Sexual attraction is about bridging distance between people. Once they are together, the function of this desire has been fulfilled, and like all desires, its satisfaction lessens its intensity. We'd expect to find that males were eager for sex with their mates in the first few years, becoming steadily less so as time passed—regardless of how much love existed between the couple or how objectively attractive the woman remained.
This isn't to say Ryan isn't a hopeless romantic in his own right. He just doesn't know how sex got so intertwined into this silly "love" thing. Instead of getting wrapped up in sex, focus on when a man changes the lightbulb, feeds you soup while sick with the flu or mows the lawn. That's real love.
Sexual novelty is too important a part of erotic attraction for most men to be completely comfortable with simply stating that sex is all about love, period. Sometimes it is; sometimes it isn't... Sure, sex can be a profound expression of love, but there are so many ways to express love. Many of them far from erotic. Think about the love expressed in caring for a disabled spouse for example. Or the love that goes into changing a baby's diapers day after day.
While we'd like to think men have evolved enough to keep it in their pants, this promiscuity he says is almost like mental illness. Unfortunately, if you're born with a penis it is your fate—carefully etched within the pages of Playboy, on strip club walls and porn sites.
After all, as Ryan says, "Life would be so much easier for men if they weren't like this, so we can be pretty confident that this isn't a hankering anyone is actively choosing."