Stop Taking Sex So Seriously!


I spent last weekend in Montreal celebrating my birthday. I love that city, with its European flair and its appreciation for blatant sexuality. Strip clubs peacefully co-exist next to retail stores like H&M on the main drag, St. Catherine Street, and nobody even thinks it's ironic that the street's named after a saint.

Sex and displays of sexuality are so prevalent that they need two sex shops to satisfy it all. One of the shops is a toy store. It has DVDs, BSDM props, vibrators, dildos, penis pumps, Venus butterfly toys, anal sex toys, and a dizzying array of blow up dolls and body parts. Sex Toys You'll Both Love

The other store is mostly a clothing store, with the biggest selection of role playing outfits I've ever seen. Naughty school girls, nurses and cheerleaders lined up next to fishnet dresses and a fabulous array of stripper outfits. This store also carried the full line of Kama Sutra products along with creams and pills to stimulate the clitoris and enlarge the penis.

In a stroke of brilliant luck, my visit happened to coincide with the largest gay pride parade in North America. As a Tantrika, I absolutely love to witness all variations of sexuality, especially when they are displayed in an atmosphere of joy and acceptance as was the case on Sunday. I posted some of the pictures on my Facebook page if you want to see them (they're in the Gay Pride photo album). Tantric Sex 101

Between the parade, the sex shops and the strip joint I visited, it really got me thinking about how repressed Americans (and perhaps especially in the Northeast where I currently live) are. We take something that is so natural, beautiful and fun and turn it into something that creates anxiety, guilt and fear. What is up with that?!

I came up with some suggestions to turn that around and take the beauty and fun back into not just sexual experiences but our sexual identity. I invite you to try one or more of these suggestions… just for the fun of it!

1. Walk around your house naked for at least an hour, every day for a week. Look at your naked body in the mirror without judging it to be imperfect. Admire your own form. Flex your muscles or grab your breasts and give yourself a mirror kiss. Yes, it'll feel silly at first… that's the point.

2. If you're a woman, go to a strip club (alone or with your partner) and just practice admiring the beautiful bodies of the dancers. I'm not saying you should go to get turned on by them, I'm suggesting you admire the beauty of the female form. And maybe, just maybe, bust a move at home.

3. Take a close look at your private parts and look for what's beautiful and/or unique about them. Use a hand mirror and try to look with an artist's, rather than a clinician's, eye.

4. Become present to your own and your partner's bodies the next time you have sex. Rather than flinging yourself into a fantasy, really notice the sensations and experiences you're having with this real live person in bed with you. This is especially helpful for men, who've learned a model of "fantasize, stimulate, ejaculate" for sex. I'll talk about this more in another blog, but there's a whole 'nother world out there, guys!

5. PLAY more. Rather than do the same old routine with your partner, practice some Tantric breath work, act out a fantasy, or engage in a role-play. Spice things up a little and let your hair down. Stop taking sex so seriously! 13 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Needs