Buying Your Way Out Of Infidelity

Heartbreak, Self

Sometimes unexpected gifts are given for a reason.

Then again, some women don't mind the screwing around and just want the gifts. There's a great anecdote about George Burns and his wife Gracie Allen. George Burns cheated on Gracie with some PYT and felt so horrible about it that he purchased her a centerpiece to assuage his own guilt and set things right. He found out Gracie's feelings on the matter years later when Allen allegedly told a friend, "You know, I really wish George would cheat on me again. I could use a new centerpiece."

Readers, have you ever been on either end of an "I really shouldn't have put my you know what you know where and it won't happen again" gift?

There is an understanding amongst the population, particularly rich, powerful men, that you can buy your way out of trouble. This has largely worked since mankind introduced the concept of money and baubles. In fact, I'm pretty sure jewelry was invented as an addendum to the formal verbal apology.

Case in point: Reuters reports that some ding-a-ling in the United Kingdom used the allure of the pricey and shiny for nearly three decades to make amends for repeatedly making lust to women other than his wife. Over the course of 26 years, Robert Charlton purchased roughly $400,000 worth of mea culpas for his cuckquean wife Elizabeth Charlton. The 40-item collection was auctioned off by the couple's daughter, Clare Dunham, who said, "He didn't just buy her jewelry when he played away. He did buy her gifts for birthdays and Christmas and things like that. I don't think he was that bad." Read: Losing My Husband, Then Learning Of His Infidelity

Sure, he wasn't bad, just not a man who was content with one woman and her feminine secrets. Maybe they even had a pact, like his infidelity would either be paid for in blood or shine. The expensive-ornament-escape clause has also been employed by Kobe Bryant

After the LA Laker superstar was caught and nearly imprisoned for a dalliance with a Colorado hotel employee in 2003, he purchased a $4 million, 8-carat purple diamond "Please forgive me" ring for his wife Vanessa. Nothing says, "I'm really sorry for being such a moron and completely abusing your trust, rolling right over our wedding vows and imperiling our family" like a big, purple diamond. Except for saying, "I'm really sorry for being such a moron and completely abusing your trust, rolling right over our wedding vows and imperiling our family" and really meaning it/never doing it again. Before being caught for dipping his wick indiscriminently, the self-nicknamed "Black Mamba" purchased a Lamborghini for Mrs. Bryant's 19th birthday and had it converted to an automatic, so maybe he's just a giver. Ideally, they worked things out and the "Black Mamba" shant slither into any other warrens.