Backwards on a relationship train


It started 4 years ago, 3 weeks before I was to move out of state. I had been best of friends with his mother before he ever came into the picture. Id known him for awhile but never saw him in that sorta light until just before I was about to leave. Somehow a match was thrown on a dry pile of brush and BOOM! Fire and passion began.
3 weeks of complete ecstasy. We would dance and he would sing into my ear as he held me tight, caring less about who was watching. The first time we made love he stared so deeply into my eyes with out pause, I felt he could see right thru me. I had never felt such passion.
The hourglass had been dry and it was time for me to leave. The plan was he was going to move as well once I had things settled, in a month or 2. That last kiss tore my heart out. But in my heart I knew there would be many more and this was it! I had found my soul mate!
It began with everyday conversations, some lasting all night about life and how great it was going to be together! I felt like a kid in a fairytale....and eventually, thats what it became.
He became harder and harder to get a hold of. Eventually after a few weeks all communication was lost. I had heard thru the grapevine that he had gotten back with his ex-girlfriend! My fairytale had turned to nightmare.
2 1/2 years had passed. I moved on as we all eventually do. One day after work I came home to a mysterious my-space message from a guy titled "Mr." There was no picture so I had no idea who it was. I opened it and guess fairytale.
He explained how his aunt had passed and in "hard times", he ended back with his ex. She was there to comfort him and I was not...blah blah blah...he was sorry....blah blah blah...he thinks about me all the time...blah blah bla......I think about him too.
8 months had passed since I opened that message, followed with many more. We were both in relationships at that time so it was simple, "hi, hows ur day?" typical complaining about partners.
His relationship with that girl ended and a few months later mine did as well.
So here we were. Both single again.
Before I knew it,  I was on a plane to visit my old town for a week. His town.
I sat nervously in the bar stool where we use to hang out, awaiting his arrival. When he walked in and our eyes met it was like magic! All the old feelings that had once overwhelmed me hit me like a ton of bricks!
Another week spent...probably the best week of my life! At the end of the week I decided to take a leap of faith and move back. People had doubts as to if I'd actually do it but when my heart is set, nothing can stop me! On the plane ride home, I was no longer a single woman.
3 weeks later he flew to my town where at a Jason Aldean concert he purposed with a gorgeous ring saying "I was a fool and lost you once! I wont loose u again!"  After saying yes he made a split for the bathroom and thru-up! Bad Sign?
2 months later, he flew out again only to drive me and my u-haul back.
He had rented a house a month previous so it was ready upon my arrival.
Our life together began.... only to find out that within 2 months, most evenings ended with our backs toward each other mad. The fights would start over the stupidest things! They  would never get resolved because we are both so hard headed. I started to feel to like he was selfish and the relationship was not equal. I would do all these great things for him to make him feel special but do you think i got anything in return. Nope.
Dont get me wrong...when we get along, nothing is better! But the get along became father and few between.
After a year of this, I asked him to move out. So he did. I thought that without the stresses of living together, we could have fun and work on our relationship since we did everything backwards. Who gets engaged, moves in together and then dates?  Well as good as it sounded it didn't work out that way. We still had all the same problems!
So i got to the point where I finally said that's it we are done! Ive said that 3 times in the last month but somehow we end up back together somehow like a strange magnet!
Its not like I just don't have any other options because believe me I do.
I think there is a piece to this puzzle missing but I dont know what it is. Can anyone help me? Why cant I just let go?