Bad Logic: Swine Flu, Whiskey And Pregnancy

welsh whiskey
Buzz, Love

Should whiskey be used to cure swine flu? In pregnant women?

There is A LOT of swine flu talk these days. The Lebanese suggested a ban on kissing (guys kiss guys there, can you believe it?). Per Yahoo! News, a German music festival warned against kissing for fear of spreading the malady (Germans trying to ruin fun, can you believe it?). And the whole time I've been downplaying the danger of the pork virus. Read: If We Stop Kissing Then Swine Flu Wins

It turns out that some people, even cleanly, healthy folks, are still susceptible to the virus. According to Bloomberg, pregnant women have really had a difficult time fighting off the effects of H1N1 (they are immuning for two, after all). The CDC says the virus has been known to cause previously healthy women to develop viral pneumonia. And, sometimes, die. Not fun. Not cute. Not sexy.

On the other hand, Reuters says that Russian authorities are advising citizens to drink whiskey to fight swine flu. Evidently, men who were probably once apparatchik are telling Russians traveling to Wales for soccer matches to drink Welsh whiskey to fight off the porcine influenza… "That should cure all symptoms of the disease."

Philosophy 101 teaches us that if A is greater that B and B is greater than C then A is greater than C. By corollary, you'd say that if a cure exists for a certain malady that is particularly prevalent amongst a certain subset of people that members of the subset owe it to themselves to explore that cure in earnest.

So, by that logic, it's a good idea for the pregnant gals to quaff Welsh whiskey to quell any H1N1 issues. While it's OK for a woman to have a tipple every now and again (after the first trimester), it's a bad idea to suck down Welsh whiskey in the kinds of quantities that it would take to sink the piggy-wiggy flu (if a its "disinfectant" properties even work). Plus, if my knowledge of the subject is at all accurate, it was probably the whiskey (possibly whilst in utero) that sent Welshman Christian Bale on his rant against cinematographer Shane Hurlbut on the set of Terminator Salvation.

Pregnant ladies, do all you can to protect yourselves and your unborn children against the swine flu, wash, take vitamin C, consult your physician regularly, don't kiss Lebanese men "hello," don't make out with German music fest goers but don't get drunk on Welsh whiskey, otherwise your kid could become a real jerk*, OK?

*Or possibly an imbecile due to the fetal alcohol syndrome.