Devoted husband in Iraq..


I am a happy and devoted married man.  I have a wife of 2 years but we've been together for 4 years and we love each other dearly.   I've been in the military for a very long time before I met my wife so this experience has been new and challenging for us.  This is the second time that I've been deployed since we've been married and we are still learning how to work out all the kinks and learning curves.  Being a soldier in the military is not always so simple and there are a lot of sacrifices for both the military and your marriage that you have to deal with and master if you want to succeed and prosper at both.  This can be a very complicated process so I will spare you all the details and try to keep this article simple.

Whether you want to believe it or not, your marriage will go through some very difficult times.  Being strong in your faith, understanding each other's needs, and being patience with one anothe will make this transition run a little smoother.  Anything outside of this and you're putting your relationship/marriage to chance and doing that is not the price you want to pay.  Trust me, I've been there!  I love serving in the United States Military.  The honor, pride, dignity, and loyalty to country and unit, I feel is a feeling that's hard to put into word's.  But, it's a great feeling knowing that you are making sacrifices and a great difference in the freedom this country enjoys.

My wife is very supportive and she is a very strong women of faith.  She is a wonderful mother of 4 biological childern, and 4 childen because of marriage.  She's faithful and dedicated to our church home, has worked the same job for at least 20 years, and still finds the time to tend to the needs and desires of her husband and soldier.  I'm so blessed and thankful to god for such an "awesome" wife and friend  But where where are the problems you might ask?  The problems is, as a soldier I can't always overcome the feelings of "lonliness, being displaced from the home, feeling not needed, insecurities, and jealousy" when left out of things that she or the family are doing.  My wife while always supportive, misses the point sometimes when it comes to my emotional needs and internal pride as a man, if you know what I mean.   Sometimes my wife don't understand it is very important to me that when I do call home, that I need/want for that time to be personal, intimate, and uninterrupted.  Becasue she is so busy and a women of many, many talents, there is hardly ever a time when our conversations are not interrupted by the our kids in the backround, bad reception due to the connection, being with her side of the family and friends, her running errands, and a slew of other nagging interruptions.  This sometimes lead to arguments, misunderstandings, and conversations that go where they shouldn't go.  And, before you know it, my call time is up and I'm left feeling very unfullfilled, frustrated and sad.  As a soldier being deployed, away from family, this is a very bad combination.  You wonder why the devorce rate and sucides are so high in the military but this is a conversation for another day.

As a soldier in a Combat Arms Unit, there are so many things we as soldiers have to deal with and overcome that the spiritual connection and emotional needs we need are very important/vital to the overall success of the unit, mission, home, and marriage.  They all go hand in hand and you can't have one without the other.  My wife and I, most of our arguments and disagreements stems from the fact that, "she take my concerns and feelings as nagging and complaining."  When all I need for her to do is, "listen, be patience with me, and hear my heart.  This all may sound simple and easy to fix, but yet, "it the hardest and most difficult thing to master.  Even though I'm deployed and away from the home, she has needs and desires to.  She have her own set of issues and concerns she has to deal with as well, that require the same from me that I'm asking of her.  But here lies some very important questions...  who's needs are more important?  who should be making the bigger sacrifices when it comes to emotional and physical needs?  how do I come accross as not sounding like it's all about me but asking for understanding?  Can you help me answer or at least understand these minefields of questions... 

  Sincerely, Loving and Devoted Husband