This Just In: Nothing Can Turn You Gay

gay gene

Is there really "preference" in sexual preference?

We had a post, partially tongue in cheek*, entitled " My Computer Made Me Gay " some time ago. It got the old noodle churning (as in brain… I mean mind). 

The nature of sexual preference has been part of a running debate for a long time (funny that the word "preference" is used). The nature and nurture camps both make pretty strong arguments. That a "gay gene" hasn't been discovered is a feather in the cap of the nurture crowd (though we haven't found a hilarious gene or a dancing gene and some people are naturally funny ballerinas, brah). On the other hand, some folks do grow up in a "hetero-normative" environment (non-abusive, non-judge-y, non-et cetera), never undergo sexual trauma and never have any sort of social ultra-awkwardness but really like the company (and caress) of their own gender. Weird indeed-y.

So, what makes people gay? In Kids In The Hall: Brain Candy, a clearly gay man is sure that that the titular brain candy has turned him gay. Probs not, he was self-abusing to gay porn earlier in the movie. And in an episode of The Mind Of A Married Man, Mickey thinks his TiVo is trying to turn him gay. Also, probingles not-a-lotta chance of that one, Mick-ster.

What, then, makes you gay? Is it a pair of Macramed jean shorts? Is getting an erection (physical or emotional and of either the girl or boy variety) for someone of your gender a pretty good indicator? If so, girl-crushes and bromances may end up reinventing American sexuality. Stereotypical wisdom tells us that guys who like things in their bottoms are probably gay. Em & Lo ( take strong umbrage with this argument. In an article about strap-on sex (some very funny stuff in there), the devious duo explains that the old prostate is pretty sensitive and straight dudes can dig its manipulation just as much as sons of Dorothy. I consulted with Stifler's character (Sean William Scott, who has, interestingly, had gay rumors floating about) in the movie Road Trip and he agrees. Which makes sense, because lots of breeders** love delivering the CPA.

While we may never figure out exactly "what makes people gay," you can rest assured that you're only gay if you really like doing gay stuff. If you're a guy, it means really enjoying banging dudes (and possibly driving a turquoise Mazda Miata). If you're a lady, samesies, except replace "banging dudes" with "banging chicks" (there is some evidence that women are more fluid regarding sexuality which some "experts" link to breast-feeding and some link it to the combination of cameras, spring break and vodka). In all likelihood, sexuality is genetic, though it should be pointed out that it's becoming apparent that environmental factors (benign ones as well as toxic radiation) have strong, a sometimes fast-acting biological repercussions.

Any thoughts? Anyone see the film But I'm A Cheerleader?

*Pardon the entendre.
**That's what some homosexuals call heterosexuals, fun fact.